The odds of winning a Powerball jackpot are 1 in 292 million, and the Mega Millions odds are even more stratospheric, around 1 in 303 million.
But someone has to win. Why can't that be you? Or me?
Let's say it's you. You'd want to do some smart spending with the money, and get a little stupid, too.
Here are the top 50 ways to use a lottery jackpot --- both practical and really out there --- as ranked by readers on Ranker. See if you can guess what's No. 1!
50. Meet billionaire Richard Branson
For the newly-minted millionaire looking for advice, spending a day with self-made gazillionaire and soon-to-be-cosmonaut Richard Branson could be just the ticket.
His advice: “Don’t waste your time trying to be normal.” Word.
49. Give your kid a 'small loan' — of a few million
The world’s most successful business magnates who "came from nothing" usually got some assistance from family along the way.
Helping your kid out is a generous way to use your millions. Just make sure she'll remember to thank you at her inauguration.
48. Rebuild Puerto Rico
Your lottery winnings could go far if invested in Puerto Rico.
To counter the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria, the island will need investors in education and to develop its own self-sustaining industries, like agriculture.
47. Pay to have the world's children join hands and sing
Do it in the spirit of peace! For their first number, I nominate Michael Jackson’s “Heal the World.”
46. Bankroll a military deferment for your kid
Is there a war coming? Frankly, it depends on who you ask.
45. Buy Twitter — and then shut it down
Tired of those tweets from you-know-who that put us all in a panic? Using your money to put an end to that might seem very appealing.
But the value of Twitter has lately been approaching $20 billion. A lottery jackpot in the hundreds of millions wouldn't be enough. You'd need a few billionaire friends to help you out.
44. Go all Cruella De Vil
If your post-win plans include a lot of plotting and evildoing, then you might be drawn to having a coat made from dalmatian puppies.
But this really does limit your color palette. May we suggest synthetic fur?
43. Fix the water supply in Flint, Michigan
Although the water in Flint has been deemed safe to drink after the 2015 contamination crisis, residents have been counseled to drink only bottled water until 2020.
So yes, Flint needs your help — and so do 32 other U.S. towns with unsafe amounts of lead and toxins in their water.
42. Pay to run the ASPCA for 10 years
The animals will thank you with lots of fluffy cuddles and wet-nosed kisses.
41. Retire to a life of cat-ranching
Make your meme a reality!
A modest investment is all it takes to set up a kitty wonderland complete with scratching sofas, sunning spots, perching shelves and a few perpetual-entertainment machines — aka ceiling fans dangling with cat lures.
40. Order 20 grand pianos
Why settle for just one baby grand when you can fit 20 full-size Steinways in your new mansion?
The next natural step: hire a troupe of concert pianists to compose your very own rock opera.
39. Become Dr. Evil
A surefire way to get $1 million more.
38. Adopt 30 children from an impoverished country
In a post-Brangelina world, you're our only hope.
Just please make sure the kids you’re adopting are actually orphans. Seriously.
37. Buy a pro sports team
When your favorite team has terrible management, this is the obvious solution.
36. Get sweet, sweet revenge
The key here is to cover your tracks — unless you’re just fooling around.
In which case, put it on YouTube.
35. Produce and direct a movie
Powerball winnings could fund a lot of CGI — but you don’t have to be rich to produce a blockbuster.
The Blair Witch Project had a relatively tiny budget of $60,000 and made almost $250 million worldwide, according to Box Office Mojo.
34. Collect the winnings in cash
If you don’t trust the banks, then collecting your winnings in greenbacks might feel safer.
Next, you’d want to put the money into gold and bury it under a tree whose whereabouts are known only to you.
33. Invest it all and work a little longer
Sudden riches don’t have to mean instant retirement.
If you’ve got a few good working years left in you, don't quit your job. Invest your money in the market — or an ultra-safe high-interest savings account — and add to your stockpile.
To each their own, I always say.
Sooo…party this weekend?
Parties are only as fun as your entourage — so choose wisely.
Personally, I’d take an escort of four spooning beagles.
30. Fight global warming
Putting money toward the battle against climate change is a noble way to use it.
There are tons of projects you could fund, from investing in green businesses and resource development to cleaning up the oceans.
29. Invest in green energy
Oil is a hard-to-extract resource, and coal is going the way of the dinos. Meanwhile, EPA-certified green energy buy-in has grown more than 40% since 2004.
Green energy seems like a pretty solid investment!
28. Hire a security team
It makes sense to hire a security team to protect your — ahem — assets.
Or at least install a high-end security system to guard your Monet, Manet and gold toilet.
27. Buy a 2nd property
Buying a second house can be a good investment if you pick an up-and-coming area.
Or you could forget investing and snap up a sweet beachfront “cottage” in Malibu.
26. Buy a private island
Buying your own slice of island paradise is a classic baller move!
There are lots of multimillion-dollar island estates in the Caribbean and along the coasts of Central and South America to choose from — and some relatively affordable options in the U.S., too.
25. Make sure you give the IRS its share
Federal taxes will gobble up 37 percent of any big lottery prize, but you won't even see most of that money. Twenty-five percent is withheld right off the top, and you'll have to hand over the rest.
If that's not bad enough, your state tax agency may want as much as 8 percent of your winnings.
24. Support your church
Historically, people were subject to tithe, or pay 10% of their earnings, to the church.
But if you want to support your local religious institution today, you can choose how much to give!
23. Lend a hand to at-risk youth
Big donations can go a long way to helping kids — but you don’t have to win the jackpot to make a difference.
Your local chapter of Big Brothers Big Sisters and other programs make meaningful change in the lives of at-risk youth, and the organizations are always looking for volunteers.
22. Build an eco-friendly house
Getting a lot of cool, green gadgets installed in your house is great, but you can have an environmentally friendly home even without winning the lottery.
According to The Spruce, the average cost to build an eco-friendly "tiny house" is $23,000, and some can be built for less than $12,000.
21. Get professional health advice
You want to be around a while to enjoy your winnings! Chronic diseases such as diabetes are now the greatest cause of death and disability, which means you really do need to start eating more veggies and exercising regularly.
Consider using a professional online health coach like Omada, which is often covered by insurance.
20. Open a charity
Celebrity wattage is measured by the size of your charity. Just ask Oprah, Leo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lopez.
19. Settle your friends' mortgages
This way, they can refocus their budgets on hosting more parties!
18. Will it to the kids
Hopefully they won’t try to cash the check early. If you know what I mean.
17. Change your cellphone number
You know they’re just calling cuz they want your money.
16. Help less fortunate families
It’s fantastic to donate money to those who need it.
But it doesn’t take winning the jackpot to volunteer your time or give extra clothing, food and electronics to people who are in need right now.
A classic move. Now, if you really want to live like a mobster, check out these amazing destinations where you can retire for less than $200,000.
14. Start a business
They say it only takes a nickel to open your own hotel in Bratislava.
But if you’re looking to be your own boss in San Fran, you’ll need to cough up a whole lot more.
13. Get an accountant
You'll want to hire an accountant to help you track your suddenly massive cash flow.
But if you need affordable accounting or investment advice now, using budget-friendly robo-advisors like WealthSimple or tracking your bills with Quicken are great options.
12. Lawyer up
You know what they say: Mo’ money, mo’ problems.
When you’re dealing with a fortune, first get an accountant — then get a lawyer.
11. Quit the 9 to 5
Spending more of your life at work than having fun is just wrong.
10. Update your closet
Hot clothing tip for the newly rich: get custom everything.
Also, a perfectly tailored suit goes great with a monocle.
9. Open a trust fund
When you can’t trust your family with your money, put your money in a trust fund.
Trust funds are usually tax-exempt and can give you long-term control over your money — even after you’ve kicked the bucket.
8. Donate to charity
Support the dolphins, the hungry or the homeless, because it’s a nice thing to do.
7. Help your family
Whether you help your parents buy a comfortable home or pay for your niece's education, well-placed funds can give your loved ones a better life, without fostering a dependence on your fortune.
6. Get new wheels
Buy a new ride and pimp it, baby!
5. Consult a financial manager
You'll need advice on what to do with your fortune, but you'll also need to shop around.
If you invest $1 million and you’re charged 1% a year for management services, you’ll be paying $10,000 a year. Yikes!
4. Invest the lion’s share
Investing most of your cash into companies with dividend-paying stocks would grow your money and net you an income.
Even putting $500,00 into a stock with a 4% yearly payout would get you $20,000 a year. Ca-ching!
3. Travel the world
From the mountains of Costa Rica to the Great Wall of China, there’s so much to see, do and taste on this glorious planet!
It’s unlikely you’ll get bored — but maybe save a bit of your money for some space travel, just in case.
2. Buy a new house
Why upgrade your ailing home if you have the funds to replace it?
To keep growing your fortune, hold onto your old house and rent it out.