My dad gave us $40K for our wedding and first home. 2 months after his funeral, my stepmom wants it back — with a repayment schedule. Do I owe her?

For six years, the couple believed the money was a gift. But after Sophie’s father passed away, her stepmother called with an unexpected request: She wants the $40,000 back, explaining that she needed the money for retirement and had only agreed to give it because her husband wanted to.

Now, Sophie and Jack have two young children, a mortgage and daycare bills to pay. Coming up with $40,000 would mean draining their savings or borrowing against their home.

A gift with strings attached

Asking for a gift back is unusual enough, but in this case, the money had already been spent. Sophie and Jack spent $15,000 on the wedding, while the remaining cash helped pay for their home. Now, with two children and plenty of household expenses to manage, coming up with $40,000 isn’t exactly easy.

But Sophie’s stepmother sees things differently. Now 68 and living on a fixed income, she’s worried about having enough money to get through retirement. She claims Sophie’s father pressured her into giving the couple such a generous gift and that she never felt comfortable parting with that much money in the first place.

When Sophie reminded her that the $40,000 was a wedding gift, not a loan, her stepmother argued the couple should be in a better financial position by now. After all, they both have steady jobs and own a home. In her eyes, Sophie and Jack are choosing to maintain their lifestyle rather than help her feel financially secure in retirement.

Receiving financial help from family isn’t unusual, particularly when it comes to buying a first home. According to the National Association of Realtors’ 2026 report, 25% of first-time homebuyers used gifts or loans from friends and family to help cover their down payment.

“These disputes usually come from grief and financial pressure as much as from the money itself,” Rosalie Wannes, lawyer and founder of Wannes Law Professional Corporation, told Moneywise.

While Sophie’s stepmother may regret giving the money away, that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to get it back.

“A true gift is complete once it’s given, and it can’t be taken back because the giver regrets it or now needs the money,” Wannes added.

Put it in writing

Money disputes can leave lasting damage within families. According to a 2026 survey from Trust & Will, 17% of Americans said money issues had permanently damaged a family relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Giving money to a family member can be a wonderful way to help them get ahead, whether it’s paying for a wedding, buying a first home or covering another big expense. The trouble comes when money that was given as a gift is suddenly expected to be paid back.

That’s why Wannes says it’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page about whether the money is a gift or a loan from the beginning.