Let’s say Kim’s siblings have managed their father Dan’s care for about 15 years, but they never involved Kim. In fact, they actively prevented her from weighing in. Now Kim’s dad is 94, his money is gone, and her siblings have put him in a nursing home with a $7,500 per month price tag.
Unfortunately, the siblings can’t pay, so they’ve turned to Kim and asked her to foot the bill since she has a good job. But since Kim had no input into the facility or the decisions that got the family to this point, she’s not sure where to go from here.
The good news is experts have some advice for her.
Kim needs to ask some tough questions
Kim definitely shouldn’t just pay for Dan’s care. Instead, she should do a few things first.
“I’d be asking some questions before writing a check,” Jennifer Szakaly, founder of Caregiving Corner, told Moneywise. “What exactly are you paying for? Who is making the decisions? What does Dad want? And does someone have legal authority to make financial or medical decisions on his behalf?”
If possible, Kim should talk with Dan directly about his preferences. “As long as a parent has the capacity to make their own care decisions, they should remain involved in making them,” Dr. Lauren Grawert, a clinical advisor at Retreat of Boston, told Moneywise.
Roger Diefendorf, an attorney at Forum & Lex, P.C., agrees. “If your father is able to participate, have him participate,” Diefendorf told Moneywise. “When I have acted as a mediator, and the parent has been involved, the siblings usually cease fighting about their parents and start collaborating.”
If Dan lacks mental capacity, Diefendorf said Kim should find out who’s in charge at this point. “You’ll want to know who has authority over your father’s affairs before adding any money,” he said. “If your father granted a power of attorney, he’ll have an agent — likely one of your siblings — that owes him a fiduciary duty and must only act in his best interest.”
If you suspect a sibling is violating a fiduciary duty, Jeffrey Loew, managing partner at Trust Law Partners LLP, said that court action may be required. “If you’re unable to talk with your dad or your siblings appear to be acting in a way that’s harmful for him, you may have to consider going to court to have that sibling removed and replaced,” Loew said.
Kim can pay, but with some caveats
While Kim’s issues with her siblings may be justified, she ultimately must decide whether she’s willing to support her dad.
