Aug 2, 2026
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Add us on GoogleSana and Arhem knew going into marriage that money would be a challenge. What Sana didn’t know until a month before their wedding was that Arhem had accumulated $30,000 in credit card debt.
When Arhem disclosed it, Sana was devastated — by both the amount and the secret. Then the debt grew again. By the time the couple appeared on Ramit Sethi’s Money for Couples podcast, their total debt had reached $165,000 against a combined income of $188,000 — and the financial betrayal had nearly ended the relationship.
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“Things got to a really deep pit,” Sana told Sethi.
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The financial picture
Their $165,000 in total debt includes Arhem’s credit card balances plus other obligations the couple has accumulated. Despite a $188,000 household income — a figure many Americans would consider comfortable — they describe their financial life as regimented. Their system is highly organized on paper, with spreadsheets and tracking, but Arhem says it all feels like going through the motions rather than building toward anything meaningful.
Part of what drives Sana’s anxiety goes beyond the numbers. She carries a strong sense of responsibility for supporting her family financially, which shapes her financial decisions, even at the expense of her own well-being.
Arhem, meanwhile, had developed a pattern of accumulating debt he felt too ashamed to discuss. After the first disclosure, the debt grew again because the cycle of secrecy hadn’t been broken. Today, that lost trust is still being rebuilt.
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Financial infidelity is more common than most people realize
What happened to Sana and Arhem is called financial infidelity. According to Debt.com’s Debt and Divorce Survey, 37% of divorced Americans said they’d hidden credit card debt during the marriage and 42% said credit card debt played a role in ending the relationship. More than a third said they believed hidden debt justified divorce.
Fidelity’s Couples & Money Study found that about 1 in 4 partners admit to hiding a financial secret from their spouse and almost half dodge money discussions altogether to avoid arguing.
And the damage extends beyond trust. Hidden debt can limit joint goals, derail mortgage applications and — as Sana and Arhem are experiencing — create a financial environment where even a solid income doesn’t translate into a sense of security.
The recommendations and outcome
Sethi’s core observation was that the couple’s debt payoff plan may actually be too aggressive and so focused on eliminating the “really deep pit,” that they’ve left no room for the kind of spending that makes life feel worth living. Postponing all happiness until becoming debt-free, he argued, is its own form of financial dysfunction.
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He also pushed back on the idea that earning more would solve Sana’s underlying anxiety. Her worry is a response to broken trust and familial patterns that more income alone won’t fix.
His most pointed recommendation: couples therapy as the logical next step to try to rebuild trust while simultaneously managing a shared financial crisis. “Joint finances, trust and couples therapy. In addition, you make sure your numbers are dialed in.”
Sethi recommended consolidating finances fully rather than maintaining the hybrid of joint and separate accounts, which, in this couple’s case, had allowed the secrecy to continue. When money is fully shared and fully visible to both partners, the conditions for hidden debt become much harder to maintain.
Following the session, Sana and Arhem made changes. They moved toward joint finances and began prioritizing their marriage alongside their debt payoff — treating their relationship as something that needed investment, not just their balance sheet.
The pit is still there. But they’re climbing out of it together.
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With a writing and editing career spanning over 15 years, Emma creates and refines content across a broad spectrum of industries, including personal finance, lifestyle, travel, health & wellness, real estate, beauty & fitness and B2B/SaaS/tech.
