While these are often valid reasons to end a relationship, parents may be upset when their children won’t speak to them. And, in some cases, they may decide to retaliate for what they perceive as a slight.
For example, let’s say Ryan has recently stopped talking with his father, Phillip, and his stepmother, Hannah. Hannah is mad, and she wants to take action. Specifically, since Ryan has gone no contact, Hannah wants to cancel the first-class airline tickets she and Phillip bought for Ryan and his wife’s honeymoon.
Hannah believes they shouldn’t be funding a trip for someone who is no longer talking to them, but do therapists think she’s in the right?
The cause of the estrangement can make a difference
There are two sides to every story, and understanding why Ryan is estranged could affect whether Hannah should cancel the flights.
“While estrangement from parents has become almost disturbingly ‘in fashion,’ there are absolutely situations that warrant that decision,” Blythe Landry, a therapist and founder of Grief to Purpose, told Moneywise. “Did your child simply cut you off out of entitlement or for being a fallible human, or did you actually commit an offense?”
Landry explained that if Phillip and Hannah did something that justifies Ryan’s actions, they not only shouldn’t cancel the flights, but they should also try to make amends. Examples included rejecting Ryan’s partner or career choice, or demanding more of Ryan than it would be reasonable to expect him to give.
“The key here is being honest with yourself,” Landry said. “What or who caused this situation? And if you are truly being honest with yourself, you should find your answer from there.”
Is the money more important than the relationship?
Regardless of who caused the estrangement, Hannah and Phillip must also look at the big picture before rushing to act and canceling the flights out of anger.
“Legally and financially, it’s your money, but the real question is what you want the relationship to look like a year from now,” Debra Feinberg, founder of Maplewood Counseling, told Moneywise.
Feinberg explained that “canceling the tickets in response to going no contact will almost certainly be read as retaliation,” and warned that Ryan’s anger over the cancellation may turn a temporary estrangement into a permanent one. And other experts agree.
