My buddy’s wife secretly asked to borrow $15K after she maxed out his credit card — how am I supposed to handle this?

The request came from Anna, married to Jason, who’s been Ted’s best friend since they played hockey together in high school. Anna reached out to Ted specifically, without giving Ted’s wife Wendy a heads-up. She called him at work and asked for an immediate $15,000 loan to cover credit card debt she’d accumulated on a card she opened in her husband’s name, without his knowledge. While Ted was alarmed by the hefty loan request, he was more worried about what she told him next.

“Oh, and please don’t tell Jason I called you, and specifically don’t ever mention the card I told you about,” Anna asked.

Perplexed and slightly shocked by Anna’s request, Ted thought it over. He’d always gotten along well with Anna, who was also friendly with Wendy, often planning birthdays and holidays together, and hitting the gym together every once in a while.

While Ted could afford the loan, Anna’s call raised some big red flags: should he make the loan and risk angering Jason if he found out? Or should he flatly reject the request and stay out of a seemingly messy situation?

Ted doesn’t have many options

Family finance experts say that getting an out-of-the-blue call from a family friend who’s not only asking for a $15,000 loan but also hiding it, and the credit card, from their spouse can be chilling.

“This call is devastating, but the important thing is to take action to protect yourself,” Michael McAuliffe, president and founder of Family Credit Management, told Moneywise.

McAuliffe, citing the legal risk and doubts that the debt would be repaid, recommends that Ted turn Anna down outright.

“If a bank, which is in the business of lending money and tends to be very good at it, doesn’t believe this person is a good risk, why would you ever want to consider taking on that risk yourself?, McAuliffe said. “I’d simply tell them you can’t lend them the money.”

According to McAuliffe, Ted doesn’t owe the loan-requesting wife any explanation beyond that, particularly given the huge liability tied to the request and the tricky position Anna’s request puts him in.

“Aside from the debt itself, if someone is hiding $10,000 in debt from their spouse, that’s a huge sign that something bigger is going on and needs to be addressed,” he added. “Lending them the money to pay off this debt isn’t fixing the problem; it’s just putting a temporary band-aid on a deep wound.”

What Jason needs to know, too

Once Jason learns of the predicament, either from Tim, Anna, the credit card company, or a credit scoring firm, McAuliffe “strongly” recommends he get a copy of his credit report from each of the three major bureaus for free at annualcreditreport.com.

“You’ll want to make sure you’re aware of every card and inquiry on your report,” McAuliffe said. “If any inquiries are listed that don’t have a corresponding account opened in your name, call the creditor just to be sure.”

Jason should also freeze all three credit reports immediately and make sure Anna doesn’t have access to the passwords or PINs needed to remove those freezes. “I’d also place a fraud alert on all credit reports, alerting any prospective lenders to take extra steps to ensure your identity before approving credit,” McAuliffe advised.