My daughter didn't invite me to her 'real' wedding — but now she wants my help paying for a party. Can I just toss her $10K and call it a day?

Let’s say this happened to Karina, who wasn’t included when her daughter Louisa eloped. She is now being asked to help plan and pay for a reception. Because of her hurt feelings, Karina is thinking of just giving Louisa $10,000 and not playing a more active role or covering the full cost.

But is this the best move for Karina, or should she take a different approach?

Karina should understand the why

While Karina is understandably upset, experts say she shouldn’t just hand over money without addressing the root of the problem.

“If she’s giving the $10K as some attempt to communicate hurt, anger, resentment, or other feelings about being left out of the original wedding, then it’s most assuredly going to come back around, and potentially even on the day of the party,” Annia Raja, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Helm Psychology, told Moneywise.

Raja warned that Karina can’t just stop feeling hurt, but talking with her daughter could be the first step in moving past the anger. And Molly Halbrooks, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Restore Counseling and Therapy, agrees, telling Moneywise that forgiveness “might begin with having a genuine conversation with her daughter with the goal of trying to truly understand what went into that decision.”

The reality is that, as David Bowers, a marriage and family therapist and owner of LifeWrx Group, told Moneywise, “couples avoid traditional family-and-friends based weddings for myriad reasons.” Since Louisa is asking Karina to be part of the plan now, it’s worth finding out why she wasn’t invited to the wedding.

For example, Karina could find out that Louisa’s husband has issues with his mother and since they couldn’t invite Karina and exclude the mother-in-law, the couple eloped. The explanation may not solve the problem, but at least it will provide Karina with some insight into what the couple was thinking and feeling.