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Man sitting on apartment stoop krisprahl/Envato

My girlfriend, 42, just left me and moved out — now she refuses to give me any rent because I ‘can afford it.’ Is that fair?

Living together outside of marriage is really common in the U.S. In fact, 59% of adults have, at one point in their lives, lived with an unmarried partner. That’s higher than the 50% of Americans who have ever been married.

The problem is that when you share a home but aren’t legally married, you don’t get the legal protections that come with tying the knot. This can be a big problem if you break up after intertwining your finances.

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For example, let’s say Jameson and Ashleigh, both 42, moved in together about six months ago after dating for two years. They got a bigger place when they decided to cohabitate and were both paying the rent, but Jameson signed the lease solely in his name because he had better credit than Ashleigh.

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Unfortunately, Ashleigh recently ended the relationship and moved out, telling him she’d no longer contribute to the rent because Jameson has a good job and can afford it. While he can cover the costs, however, doing so would be a big financial burden and leave him unable to save as much as he’d prefer.

Now Jameson is wondering whether Ashleigh is acting fairly and what legal options, if any, he has to make her pay her fair share, at least until the lease ends. Sadly for Jameson, lawyers say his options may be limited.

Ashleigh may have no legal obligation to pay

While Jameson may believe it’s fair for Ashleigh to keep paying since they made the commitment together, he may have no way to make her do that.

“Unmarried couples don’t get the rules that apply in a divorce, so the lease and any written agreement carry most of the weight,” Jean Brown, a San Antonio family lawyer at Jean Brown Law, told Moneywise.

Unfortunately for Jameson, the lease lists only his name, and that undermines his argument that Ashleigh should pay.

“If only your name is on the lease, then only you are responsible for obligations under the lease,” Christy Hertz, managing partner of Hertz Sager, told Moneywise. This may not seem fair, but it’s the law, and if Jameson really wanted to make sure Ashleigh would have to contribute, he should have insisted that she put her name on the lease as well.

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Jameson may have one card to play

While experts agree that the lease alone determines Ashleigh’s obligations to the landlord, Hertz offered Jameson one ray of hope.

“You still may have legal options if you and your ex had a separate written agreement regarding the liability for the rent,” Hertz said. “You may be able to pursue a civil claim against them.” However, she also warned that “verbal agreements for the sharing of rent are not enforceable because all agreements related to real estate must be in writing under the Statute of Frauds.”

Brown suggested reviewing the couple’s correspondence to see whether any written agreement exists that Jameson could enforce, or at least use as leverage. “Between the couple, it depends on what they agreed to, and a text or email about splitting rent can matter,” she said.

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Of course, it’s also worth noting that even if they agreed to pay rent while living together, Ashleigh’s obligation doesn’t last forever. She’s no longer living in the home, so making her pay rent for months on end may not be appropriate or feasible.

“If it’s only your name on the lease, I would find out whether she made an enforceable agreement with you to help pay and for how long. You may have messages that could show that. But I wouldn’t assume that helping pay half for a certain amount of time means she has to keep paying indefinitely after she leaves,” Roger Diefendorf, an attorney at Forum & Lex, P.C., told Moneywise.

If an email or text shows an agreement to share the payment duties and Jameson wants to hold Ashleigh to it, Brown recommends working things out between them rather than jumping to a legal solution.

“Negotiate with the ex-partner,” she suggested. “A short written agreement on who pays what, and for how long, is far cheaper than a dispute. If talking directly isn’t working, a mediator can often get a couple to a workable split in a single session, and that’s usually less expensive and less stressful than going to court.”

Finding a compromise would likely be the fairest way to handle the situation. Of course, if Ashleigh refuses, Jameson may find that the time and cost of trying to get her to pay simply isn’t worth the hassle. He may be better off accepting this as an expensive lesson and looking for ways to mitigate his damages, perhaps by finding a roommate or subletting the place (if he’s allowed) until the lease ends.

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Christy Bieber Contributing Writer

Christy Bieber is a US based personal finance and legal writer who has 15 years of experience. She has written for many publications including Forbes, Kilplinger, CNN, WSJ, Credit Karma, Insurify and more.

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