My husband’s sister always expects us to pay for her meal when we go out because we earn more than she does. How can we put an end to this?

Let’s say, for example, that Kaya and her husband Theo regularly go out to meals with Theo’s sister Alycia. Because Kaya and Theo have good jobs, Alycia always expects them to treat. But Kaya is getting tired of this and wants to put a stop to it.

While Kaya expects that Alycia may not be happy about losing her meal ticket, etiquette experts say it’s well within her rights to make Alycia pay her own way and they have some suggestions for Kaya on how to approach the situation.

A higher income doesn’t mean you have to pay the bill

While Alycia may have grown used to her brother and his wife paying the bill, there’s no reason that pattern has to continue, and Kaya and Theo should feel no guilt about ending it.

“Generosity is a two-way street,” Lisa Mirza Grotts, a national etiquette expert and founder of Golden Rules Gal™, told Moneywise. “It’s lovely to treat someone from time to time, and equally lovely to be treated, but generosity should never be assumed or treated as an obligation.”

Grotts explained that “there’s no need to disclose your income or defend how you spend it because earning more does not make you the family ATM.” And David Jubé, founder of The Gourmet Host, agreed, telling Moneywise that while they may have fallen into the pattern by default after paying a couple of times, it’s OK to “set a new default before the next outing.”

An open conversation could be the way to go

While Kaya and Theo can and should stop paying for Alycia if they’re uncomfortable doing so, they shouldn’t just spring this change on her when the bill comes.

Jennifer M. Porter, an etiquette expert based in Seattle, told Moneywise, “There’s no easy out here that involves ignoring it and hoping that sister-in-law eventually realizes her actions are unfair and entitled.” Porter suggested that the couple talk with Alycia before their next meal, while focusing on using “I” statements to help her understand how they feel.

“A smooth conversation might involve a simple, ‘Hey, I’d love to plan dinner with you, but I’ve been feeling like I’m covering most of our get-togethers and would love to split the bill next time. Would you be up for that?’” Porter suggested.

Jubé also advised that the couple “make the new default easy to follow” by asking for separate checks when ordering and suggesting places that fit their budget.

Hopefully, Alycia will be receptive to the switch. If not, Kaya and Theo may simply have to stop inviting her to dine out so they can give their bank account a break.