My friend didn't show up to my wedding after RSVPing 'yes'. I sent her a $200 bill to cover her plate. She says that's tacky — who's right?

Imagine Paige and Brad, high school sweethearts in Austin, Texas, who’ve finished college and just held a hometown wedding. Their parents covered the venue. Paige and Brad paid for the catering — which came to $200 per person, including drink tickets.

Still paying off their student debt, they limited their guest list to 100 people. One of the people who made the list was Emmie, who set Paige up with Brad in the first place. Emmie has stayed in touch with them since moving to San Francisco and replied ‘yes’ to Paige’s wedding invite.

Paige was looking forward to calling Emmie out as a matchmaker in her wedding speech. But she ended up calling her out a week later for being a no-explanation no-show.

Still sore about Emmie’s failure to show up, she texted her a copy of the catering bill featuring the $200 a person fee, suggesting Emmie pay up for the meal she missed.

Emmie texted back that the reason she didn’t come to Austin was that she couldn’t afford it, let alone a wedding present, but was too embarrassed to say so. She added that Paige’s sending her the bill was “tacky”.

Now Paige is wondering if Emmie’s right. Here’s a look at the etiquette around no-show wedding guests — from both the host’s point of view and the no-shows themselves.

No-shows don’t have to ruin a wedding

Doing what Paige did to her no-show is a no-no, Cassie Morales, owner of Heavenly Day Events, told The Knot.

“It’s not common or considered polite etiquette to invoice guests,” she said. “If you were to send a bill to wedding no-shows, it would likely hurt relationships more than it would recoup money.”

While it’s hard for a bride and groom to imagine their guests ghosting their wedding, it happens. Morales and Cheryl Fernandes of Glitzzy Events deal with no-shows all the time.

Hotels experience a guest ghosting rate of 1 to 5%, according to the digital marketing company D-Edge Hospitality. Fernandes told the wedding publication that guests ghost weddings at a similar rate to hotels: 3 to 5%.

That’s why they recommend preparing for potential no-shows. One thing the couple can do to prevent unexpected no-shows is to send out a reminder shortly before the wedding, complete with the wedding date, location, directions and other useful information — including an emergency contact.

A wedding planner or co-ordinator can handle cancellations up to and including the big day and work with caterers to adjust seating plans so the happy couple can focus on their celebration.

Good guests don’t ghost, they explain

After the confetti settles, the bride and groom can reach out to a no-show guest to make sure they’re okay before assuming they were being rude or thoughtless.

In this scenario, Emmie may not be able to afford the $200 invoice Paige sent her, but she did owe Paige an explanation — one that could have saved her newlywed friends some money if they’d received her cancellation in time for the caterer to cancel her meal. That may or may not be possible depending on a couple’s contract with vendors.