The couple has been married for a few years, and both are starting to become resentful. Malcolm can’t afford to do everything Tyra can, while Tyra feels like she’s being asked to fund his retirement after years of responsible saving.
The couple is at an impasse and wondering if the marriage can work and how to fix the situation. Fortunately, financial experts and therapists both weighed in on whether Tyra is being reasonable — and offered advice on what the couple should do.
Tyra isn’t wrong to want to keep her money separate
Tyra and Malcolm are in a challenging position, especially since a recent survey of older singles found that 97% listed financial incompatibility as a dating dealbreaker. However, the first thing Tyra needs to realize is that her feelings are valid.
“You’re not wrong to want to keep your finances separate, especially when you’re marrying late in life and coming into the marriage with very different levels of assets,” David Kon, founder of Wealthfluent, told Moneywise.
In fact, as Debra Feinberg, a couples therapist and founder of Maplewood Counseling, told Moneywise, keeping assets separate is “a choice plenty of couples who marry later in life make, especially when there are grown children, an estate, or a lot of life already lived.”
Tyra also has practical reasons to protect what she has built. As Steve Azoury, ChFC® and owner of Azoury Financial, advised Moneywise, “I would keep the accounts in only your name. This way, you can direct where the funds go when you pass away, add your own beneficiaries, and specify what split each beneficiary receives.”
However, while you can, and perhaps should, keep at least some assets separate, that doesn’t mean it will be easy.
“A $6 million net worth doesn’t automatically create an obligation to erase another adult’s financial circumstances,” said Brook McKenzie, a licensed counselor and CEO of Burning Tree Programs. “But marriage also becomes difficult when one person experiences money as ‘mine’ while expecting the other person to experience the relationship as ‘ours.’”
Decide what mine, yours, and ours is
While Tyra has every right to protect what she’s built, the couple still has a problem to overcome.
