‘I want to retire, but my wife is too scared’: A couple with $6 million can’t agree on when to stop working. Here’s how they can settle it

“I’m ready to retire. I’m afraid that my wife’s nervousness will keep me at my job longer than necessary,” Meg said during an episode of Ramit Sethi’s “I Will Teach You To Be Rich.”

They have $2.1 million in assets, $4.3 million in investments and $133,000 in savings, along with $510,000 of debt. That gives them a net worth of about $6.1 million.

“It might seem a little absurd to watch hand-wringing over retirement. It’s like, isn’t that what

everybody wants?” said Sethi.

“You have to understand that if you have been working for 30, 40, 50 years, it is really difficult to just turn that off,” he added. “People are good at what they do. They like being wanted.” And, of course, they like getting a regular paycheck.

Meg and Jo have the money to retire by the end of this year. But it isn’t money that’s holding them back.

The fear of retirement

Not getting a regular paycheck — and not being needed anymore in all of the ways you’re used to — can be scary. That’s why Sethi says people keep pushing their retirement date. Just one more year. And then another year. “When you don’t know how much enough is, it’s never enough. And you just keep working.”

While there’s no universal number for retirement, Americans believe they’ll need to save $1.46 million on average to retire comfortably, according to the 2026 Northwestern Mutual Planning & Progress Study.

High-net-worth Americans — those with more than $1 million in investible assets — believe they’ll need at least $2.67 million. That’s not surprising, since they’ll want to maintain their lifestyle in retirement.

But nearly half (48%) of survey respondents believe it’s likely they’ll outlive their savings, thanks to persistent inflation, longer life expectancies and uncertainty about the future of Social Security.

Americans’ greatest fears about retirement include declining health that will require long-term care (39%), a reduction or disappearance of Social Security retirement benefits (38%) and outliving their savings and investments (36%), according to a survey of 10,000 Americans by the Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies.

These fears are legitimate: For example, the Old-Age and Survivors Insurance Trust Fund is expected to run out of funds by 2033, after which beneficiaries will receive just 77% of their benefits.

At the same time, the number of baby boomer 401(k) millionaires is growing, according to Fidelity Investments. And for millionaires like Meg and Jo, even that may not seem like enough to retire.

Overcoming the obstacles

Doing the math can help take the emotion out of a highly emotional decision.

It starts with determining what you want to do in retirement. Do you want to stay close to home and spend time with your grandkids? Or do you want to travel the world? Do you want to renovate your home or downsize? Those decisions affect your overall retirement budget.

Also determine when you want to retire. If you’re retiring early, your savings need to last longer. And partners don’t necessarily want to retire at the same time. The Northwestern Mutual study found that 41% of Americans plan to work or are currently working in retirement.

The ‘80% rule’ suggests you will need to replace about 80% of your pre-retirement gross income to maintain your lifestyle in retirement, assuming that your expenses decrease. Similarly, the ‘25x rule’ recommends saving about 25 times your expected annual spending.

But you also need a plan for withdrawing that money in retirement. The ‘4% rule’ suggests withdrawing 4% each year, adjusted for inflation, while the ‘guardrails rule’ takes a more dynamic approach based on the annual ups and downs of your portfolio.

Other strategies include using lifetime income sources, such as Social Security, pensions and annuities, to cover essential costs, while using investments for guilt-free spending.