For some retirees, it’s the loss of purpose that’s the morale killer, and finding a hobby can be critical. But what happens if that hobby is micromanaging the lives of your adult children?

Let’s pretend, for example, that Yolanda is 33 and her dad Mateo was forced to retire early — but has now made “helping” her his new full-time “work.” What should Yolanda do about the situation to avoid making her dad feel even worse, while preserving her own sanity?

Understand where Dad is coming from — and why it’s making her upset

Getting a better grasp on the issue is the first thing that Yolanda needs to do. That means examining her own emotions and her dad’s motivations.

“Get clear on what is actually driving you crazy and why,” Mary McLaughlin, a licensed clinical social worker, told Moneywise.

“Is Dad overstepping into areas of your life that feel private? Is his ‘help’ creating more work for you? Is he offering the kind of help he wants to give rather than paying attention to what you really need? Knowing exactly what bothers you makes it easier to set a boundary instead of just telling him to stop helping,” McLaughlin said.

Kiki Jacobson, a licensed mental health therapist at YourMoneyCounselor.com, also stressed the importance of looking at the situation from dad’s perspective, as Mateo may be among the retirees who struggle with leaving the workforce behind.

As many as 92% of retirees report that having a purpose is key to a successful retirement, while studies have shown that retirement can often have an adverse impact on a retiree’s sense of purpose when they no longer have the structure or goals their job once offered. And while some retirees did end up happier, the improvement in their quality of life was largely rooted in strong family relationships. Dad may be searching for these connections to replace what he lost.

“Dad might genuinely be trying to feel useful in his retirement or feel that he is giving his daughter the kind of support he wishes someone had given him when he was raising children. Well-intentioned but failing to recognize that his daughter has her own way of doing things and may experience his involvement as more disruptive than helpful,” Jacobson told Moneywise.

Jacobson recommended asking Mateo some questions to get a deeper understanding of his intent, such as asking whether he feels like he has enough to keep him busy, why he’s suddenly so interested in helping, or how he’s feeling about retirement.

“You can have compassion for his intentions without giving up the boundaries you need to protect your peace and privacy,” said McLaughlin.

Help Dad find the right way to fill his time

While Yolanda may feel overwhelmed by what Mateo is offering, McLaughlin believes there’s likely a middle ground. “Step out of all-or-nothing thinking,” she said. “You don’t have to choose between letting Dad help with everything or shutting down his mission completely.”

McLaughlin suggested focusing Mateo’s attention on the things that Yolanda actually wants help with, and Jacobson agrees.

“You can try to communicate specific guidance on the things you actually need and want help with,” Jacobson suggested. “For example, ‘Could you hang up these picture frames after the kids get up from their nap?’ or ‘Can you mow the lawn this weekend?’”