Divorced baby boomer women would rather be single than wade into a shallow dating pool — but freedom comes at a price

Of older singles who aren’t seeking relationships, 9 out of 10 report “being content without partners,” according to the study. “This is especially true for women who have discovered a hard-won sense of freedom after years of putting others first.”

And many have disdain for the dating scene, with some survey respondents citing “disdain for the dating process and scars from previous relationships as reasons to steer clear of dating.”

There are other considerations, too. “At this point, I have my house, I have my own space, I have my life,” Lacey Wootton, 66, told The Washington Post. She said if she met someone “really amazing,” she might consider compromise.

But, compromise has its limits. As Wootton points out, “I don’t want to be a 72-year-old nursemaid.”

In other words, many older single women aren’t willing to settle, just for the sake of financial security. But, sustaining a single-person household — especially for a retiree on a fixed income — can come at a price.

But, by planning accordingly, you can have both freedom and financial security.

Gray divorce is on the rise

The divorce rate among Americans aged 65+ more than tripled between 1990 and 2023, according to an analysis of U.S. Census data by Bowling Green State University.

And gray divorce hits women harder. Women experience a 45% drop in their standard of living, versus a 21% drop for men, according to research published in The Journals of Gerontology.

There are a few reasons that could explain this, like the gender pay gap: women earn 84 cents for every dollar that a man earns. They are also more likely to have taken time off work to raise children or take care of aging parents, meaning they have lower lifetime earnings and retirement savings.

“Gray divorce is often financially devastating, especially for women. Although repartnering seems to reverse most of the economic costs of gray divorce for women, few form new co-residential unions after divorce,” according to The Journals of Gerontology.

But repartnering isn’t the only path to financial independence — nor is it necessarily the best path.

As Wootton told The Washington Post, she doesn’t want to end up becoming someone’s nursemaid. That takes a financial toll, too: An AARP study found that adult caregivers spend an average of $11,508 a year on caregiving — or about 31% of their household income.

Plus, they need to be wary of romance scams, with the FBI’s Elder Fraud Report citing losses of nearly $367 million to romance and confidence scams in 2023. Red flags to look out for include early declarations of love or requests for financial support.

Reducing household expenses

These days, relying on a romantic partner later in life isn’t the only path to financial freedom.

Whether you’re newly divorced or you’ve been single for years, it’s worth building a single-income budget (if you haven’t already) that prioritizes paying down high-income debt and building an emergency fund that covers three to six months of expenses.

If you’re still living in the family house post-divorce, but the cost to maintain it is eating away at your nest egg, it may be time to consider another living arrangement — but it doesn’t necessarily mean getting a new man.

You might want to consider downsizing to a smaller, less expensive home. Or, you could turn a room or floor into a rental suite (though this would likely require some upfront costs).

Another option is the ‘Golden Girls’ approach where you rent or buy a home with other women your age. You benefit from companionship, but you can also split the mortgage, property taxes, utilities and maintenance.

This can come with issues, just like a romantic partnership, so make sure you have the appropriate legal agreements in place — with an exit strategy, should you need one.

Even if you do meet a new romantic partner, you might not want to merge your finances. You might not even want to merge households.

Some women in a committed late-in-life relationship may still choose to preserve their autonomy by living in separate homes — a relationship model referred to as LAT, or living apart together.

Dealing with the income gap

For older women who are struggling financially, that could require some sacrifices. Some may choose to delay retirement, which gives their retirement accounts more time to grow.