May 26, 2026
Self-made millionaire and money expert Tori Dunlap has built a massive following by helping over 5 million women challenge their beliefs about money and their ability to manage it. As the founder of Her First $100K, the New York Times bestselling author of Financial Feminist and the host of the Financial Feminist podcast, Dunlap focuses on making money conversations more accessible — especially for women, who actually take the lead in most households’ financial decisions.
Her approach combines practical advice with the honest acknowledgment that money is deeply connected to identity and freedom — or lack thereof. And one of the recurring themes in Dunlap’s podcast is that paying off debt doesn’t have to be all-consuming.
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In a recent “bonus” episode focused on saving money without deprivation — “If Paying Off Debt Is Taking Over Your Life: Listen to This” — she argues that paying off debt should not feel like it’s your whole personality or require the removal of everything joyful from your life. The episode is described as a “pep talk for people paying off debt who are emotionally exhausted, even if they’re ‘doing everything right.’”
“Debt payoff isn’t about money; it’s about the mental load of carrying high-interest debt every single day and owing somebody else money,” she says of why paying off debt can feel so daunting, even when you’re doing it right. “That lack of control is the part that almost nobody talks about.”
She calls it “debt as cognitive labor.” And it’s exacerbated for those who obsess over it so much that “debt has become their entire identity.”
“Hypervigilance is not healthy, and it’s definitely not discipline,” she says of the common misconception that, while you’re paying off debt, it needs to be your whole focus. “Discipline is important, but discipline and hypervigilance are not the same. One is healthy, one is driven and one is focused; one is the exact opposite of that. It’s spiraling thoughts. It’s anxiety. It’s burnout waiting to happen.”
So what do you do?
If you’re emotionally struggling with debt, you’re not alone.
According to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, U.S. household debt climbed to a record $18.8 trillion by the end of 2025. And, while balances stood at $18.8 trillion, aggregate nominal household debt balances increased by $18 billion, a 0.1% rise in the first quarter of 2026.
The biggest category of debt, by a long shot, is mortgages, at $12.8 trillion. But home equity lines of credit (HELOC), auto loans and credit card debt also contribute to Americans’ cognitive labor. According to TransUnion, the average credit card debt per American in December 2025 was $6,715, which is up from the year prior.
Many Americans are struggling simply to cover monthly expenses, let alone pay down debt. A 2025 financial wellness report from PNC found that 67% of Americans were living paycheck to paycheck, an increase from the previous year.
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According to Dunlap, however, there’s hope, and debt doesn’t need to feel like doom.
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What to do if you’re in debt but already “doing everything right”
Dunlap’s broader philosophy acknowledges that financial struggles are not always caused by individual failure. Wage gaps, rising housing costs, student loans, inflation and lack of financial education all contribute to why so many people feel overwhelmed by money.
Her philosophy stands out because it rejects shame-based financial advice. Instead of telling listeners to eliminate every small pleasure, she emphasizes balance and sustainability.
“When you are in debt — especially high-interest debt, meaning credit card debt or a high amount of debt [like] tens of thousands of dollars of student loans — it is very easy for this to no longer be a financial problem, but for this to be an emotional problem,” she says in the episode. “The logic behind debt payoff is shockingly simple, but what actual debt payoff demands is tracking your balances, remembering due dates [and] constantly watching your interest undo your progress.”
She adds that the cognitive labor of debt also entails “constantly deciding what you can or can’t afford — or what feels worth it.” It also often involves “replaying numbers in your head on a loop,” which, she says, “is bound to drive you insane.” Many people also grapple with feelings of shame, as if they’ve had a “moral failing” for taking out debt in the first place.
Trying to make everyday decisions while managing your debt is “unpaid, invisible and constant work” and “constant negotiation with yourself,” Dunlap explains.
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But she shares one important reminder with listeners: “You do not have to suffer to be responsible. You do not have to be miserable to be good with money … You do not have to earn rest by hitting $0. And you definitely don’t need to white-knuckle your way to financial freedom.”
Here’s how she says to do it instead.
Automate your finances.
“Automate more than you think you should,” she says, adding that consistency is key. “If you can use a tool at your disposal to help automate your payments, automate your savings, automate every part of your financial life, you start creating systems. And systems are a way that you can build your savings, eliminate your debt, and start progressing toward your financial goals without active energy.”
Check in with yourself (not your account).
Another way to protect your energy is to stop checking your accounts daily or even several times per day, she says.
“Every week is a good amount of time, especially if you’re on a debt payoff journey,” she says, noting that eventually the goal would be monthly. She also encourages you to stop and ask yourself why you feel the constant urge to check your bank account balance — and, if it’s about control, she asks what it is that’s making you feel out of control.
Dunlap even encourages some listeners to block banking apps on their phones if that’s what will create the friction they need to stop unhealthily obsessing (which doesn’t actually solve debt).
Think about other things.
“Give yourself permission to have a personality again,” she says. “You’re allowed to care about things other than debt. You’re allowed to spend money while you’re in debt. You’re allowed to have the occasional nice thing. Because, not only is that more fun so you’re more likely to achieve your goals, but 99% of diets don’t work.”
Being too strict about your spending plan isn’t going to help you, she shares, recommending that you label any spending or savings habits as neither good nor evil.
Take it one day at a time.
“Slow progress beats burnout, always,” she adds. “We are looking for progress over perfection, here, every single time.”
Dunlap acknowledges that debt payment is hard, and not just financially. It is “emotional endurance,” she says. It requires you to “be present even in your discomfort.”
“If you’re still showing up, then you are doing better than you think you are,” she concludes.
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AnnaMarie is a weekend editor for Moneywise.
