My husband wants to spend thousands on home renos, while I prefer DIY and hunting for deals. How can we save money and our marriage?

Yet, there's tension brewing under the surface. Matthew earns three times more than Ashley, who recently reduced her hours at work to raise their two small children.

Last year, they moved into a new fixer-upper home to accommodate their growing family. Matthew wants to pay a contractor to do the work, and they have the money for it. But Ashley prefers a DIY approach, feeling they can do most of the work themselves, such as painting and installing new flooring. They could then take the money they've saved on a contractor and put it aside for their children's education.

Ashley, who likes to shop around and look for deals, feels they could be more intentional about their savings, so they can invest more, save for future goals, and potentially retire earlier. But constantly arguing about money with her husband is putting a major strain on their relationship — and she's now wondering if her marriage is in danger.

Money and marital strife

Disagreements over money can be damaging to a relationship. While financial compatibility is important to nearly all (98%) Americans in a 2025 LendingTree survey, for some it's a deal-breaker. Nearly one in four (23%) respondents said they had ended a romantic relationship because of financial incompatibility, while another 34% said they would consider doing so.

But the survey also found that those currently in a financially incompatible relationship tend to blame the other person for the problems. Reasons range from overspending (38%) to poor money management (34%) to not saving enough (30%). Almost one in five (18%) said they have different long-term financial goals. Only 13% blamed this incompatibility on their partner's debt (1).

So, whether your household is struggling financially or doing just fine, the issue isn't about the baseline numbers. It's about different money mindsets.

Some people are savers; others are spenders. This mindset is influenced by various factors, such as how you were raised, your cultural background, and your past financial experiences. Whether you view money through a scarcity or abundance lens can influence how you spend, save, and invest.

Different money mindsets can lead to different coping mechanisms, such as impulse shopping, racking up large amounts of debt, or hiding a secret bank account from a romantic partner.

While couples don't necessarily need to discuss every single financial transaction, one Bankrate survey found that almost one in 10 Americans in committed relationships keeps a financial secret from their partner, such as major debt, expenses, or even income (2).

"Thinking about how money was handled in the household you grew up in will help you understand the foundation for your beliefs about money," writes financial expert Rachel Cruze in a blog post (3). And, if you're in a relationship, "This can also help you get to the root of financial stress and money fights."

For example, Ashley grew up in a household where money was tight. Her dad worked seasonal jobs, with bouts of unemployment in between, so every penny mattered. Her parents often fought about money, and she had to rely on a combination of scholarships, grants, and loans to pay for college.

As a result, Ashley feels that spending money on experiences, conveniences, and luxuries is irresponsible. Matthew, on the other hand, is a spender who doesn't feel he needs permission to spend his hard-earned money.

Different money mindsets are hard enough during the best of times — but financial disagreements can be exacerbated during times of economic uncertainty, when pressures such as ballooning debt or job instability can intensify those disagreements.

Meeting in the middle

Just because you have different money mindsets doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. Rather than confronting your partner about money matters, consider setting up regular money dates — low-pressure conversations where you discuss your budget, as well as short- and long-term financial goals, while taking each person's priorities into account.

And if you're the saver in the relationship, resist the urge to take over the meeting; it should be a two-way discussion that fosters a team-oriented approach.

It could also help to talk about your money mindsets. For example, Ashley has always been too embarrassed to tell Matthew about her parents' financial hardships. But explaining why she's anxious about money could help Matthew feel more compassionate (instead of resentful).

It could also help Ashley understand where Matthew is coming from. He works long hours and always feels short on time. His job is also mentally draining, so by the time the weekend comes around, he'd much rather pay someone else to paint the house, install new flooring, and remodel the kitchen — and they can afford it.