My niece is getting married this summer and it's costing her $500 per plate. I’m bringing a date but I can’t afford a $1,000 gift. What do I do?

But what happens if the wedding itself costs much more than average? Does that mean your gift budget must increase accordingly?

Let’s pretend, for example, that Lisa’s niece is getting married in a lavish wedding that costs $500 per plate. Since Lisa was invited with a plus one and she’s bringing a date, she fears that she’ll need to spend $1,000 on a gift since she’s heard the present is supposed to roughly pay for the meal. She can’t afford to do that, though, so she’s not sure what to do.

Fortunately, wedding and etiquette experts have good news for Lisa.

A wedding invitation isn’t an invoice

Lisa’s fears about the gift aren’t entirely unfounded. It’s true that in some regions, the traditional rule of thumb for wedding guests was to “cover your plate.”

Of course, this was always a suggestion, rather than an enforceable requirement, and many wedding guests have abandoned the idea entirely because an invite shouldn’t be treated as an invoice for the food served.

“The idea of paying to cover your plate is a bit outdated as weddings come in all different styles these days,” Mariah Humbert, an etiquette expert and author of What Do I Do?, a modern wedding etiquette guide, told Moneywise.

Kristen Tomkowid, a wedding photographer and owner of Little But Fierce Photography, agrees.

“It is not on the guests to pay for a couple’s lavish tastes, and the meal still is only a part of how much a wedding costs per person,” she told Moneywise.

Look beyond the price of a meal

So, if Lisa and her date no longer need to pony up $1,000 just because the dinner costs that much, how much should they bring?

“Guests should feel comfortable gifting only what they can afford, and their presence at the event should be all that is wanted by the couple,” Tomkowid said. “It does not matter how close of a family member or friend this is either.”