Aug 8, 2026
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Add us on GoogleA wedding has become much more than a chance to celebrate love and commitment. Weddings are now big business.
The average cost of throwing a wedding is $34,200, but it’s not just the happy couple who has to clear out their bank accounts. Attending a wedding now comes at an average cost of around $610.00. This includes spending around $150 on the gift.
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But what happens if the wedding itself costs much more than average? Does that mean your gift budget must increase accordingly?
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Let’s pretend, for example, that Lisa’s niece is getting married in a lavish wedding that costs $500 per plate. Since Lisa was invited with a plus one and she’s bringing a date, she fears that she’ll need to spend $1,000 on a gift since she’s heard the present is supposed to roughly pay for the meal. She can’t afford to do that, though, so she’s not sure what to do.
Fortunately, wedding and etiquette experts have good news for Lisa.
A wedding invitation isn’t an invoice
Lisa’s fears about the gift aren’t entirely unfounded. It’s true that in some regions, the traditional rule of thumb for wedding guests was to “cover your plate.”
Of course, this was always a suggestion, rather than an enforceable requirement, and many wedding guests have abandoned the idea entirely because an invite shouldn’t be treated as an invoice for the food served.
“The idea of paying to cover your plate is a bit outdated as weddings come in all different styles these days,” Mariah Humbert, an etiquette expert and author of What Do I Do?, a modern wedding etiquette guide, told Moneywise.
Kristen Tomkowid, a wedding photographer and owner of Little But Fierce Photography, agrees.
“It is not on the guests to pay for a couple’s lavish tastes, and the meal still is only a part of how much a wedding costs per person,” she told Moneywise.
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Look beyond the price of a meal
So, if Lisa and her date no longer need to pony up $1,000 just because the dinner costs that much, how much should they bring?
“Guests should feel comfortable gifting only what they can afford, and their presence at the event should be all that is wanted by the couple,” Tomkowid said. “It does not matter how close of a family member or friend this is either.”
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Basing the size of a gift solely on the cost of the catering can also be a mistake, as it makes the gesture feel more like a business exchange than a celebration of the couple’s love.
“Your niece graciously invited you to bring a guest with you along to her wedding, and that does not need to be transactional,” Humbert recommended. “Give a gift that is thoughtful and generous, but not something that goes outside what your personal budget allows.”
What if you do want to pay the price per plate?
Even if Lisa is feeling traditional and wants to cover her catering costs, experts say she still doesn’t have to bring a $1,000 gift.
“The standard ‘rule’ for wedding gifts is per individual or couple,” Jo Hayes, founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, told Moneywise. “I know, this may not seem fair for individuals, but it is what it is. So if you’re bringing a guest, the standard rule applies: You should spend $500 on a gift, as a couple.”
Ultimately, Lisa will need to decide how much she’s comfortable spending, but $1,000 almost assuredly is too much, especially given how much the average guest spends on a gift.
While Lisa could decide to be a bit more generous than most if her budget allows, a bride expecting every couple attending her wedding to hand over a $1,000 check would give new meaning to the term bridezilla, so hopefully that’s not an expectation Lisa’s niece has.
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Christy Bieber has 15 years of experience as a personal finance and legal writer. She has written for many publications including Forbes, Kilplinger, CNN, WSJ, Credit Karma, Insurify and more.
