My 85-year-old mom needs cash and she could get it if she sold some of her old jewelry but she won’t, saying it’s for me. How can I get her to let go?

Jeannine sees a solution in her mom’s jewelry box. There are pieces that could be liquidated to help pay for Thelma’s care. But Thelma refuses to sell, saying she wants to pass the items on to Jeannine.

For Thelma, the jewelry is a physical symbol of her love for her daughter. For Jeannine, selling it would be an act of love, helping pay for Thelma’s care and reducing financial stress on Jeannine in the here and now.

Finance journalist and author Cameron Huddleston understands how difficult these situations are.

She’s lived through them with her parents and survived to tell the tale in her book Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk, which offers practical advice on how to have sensitive conversations about money with aging parents.

Moneywise spoke with Huddleston for her suggestions on how to navigate a challenging situation like Jeannine’s.

How to start a money conversation, not a family feud

Huddleston recommends approaching money conversations with aging parents as a collaborative exercise. In Jeannine’s case, she could sit down with her mom and propose they work out the math on her care.

“One of the first conversations could be, ‘Mom, we know what the costs are. It’s going to cost $5,000 a month, let’s look at ways to cover that cost,’” Huddleston suggests.

Jeannine could mention the $2,000 a month Social Security and $1,000 pension her mom collects as essential contributions, then ask her mom to brainstorm with her on ways to raise the additional $2,000 a month needed to cover her care.

While her mother may not be ready to sell her jewelry, there could be other things she’d be willing to part with to raise funds. Rather than bluntly asking what she wants to liquidate, Jeannine could start by asking Thelma what she wants to keep and bring to the care facility.

That could spawn a conversation about downsizing, as care homes generally don’t allow residents to bring much more than some decorative items and smaller items of furniture.

In the process, you might learn why your parents held onto a quirky looking lamp or old clock, and that might spur you to take on one or two pieces that you might otherwise not value.

Huddleston suggests using incentives to encourage older parents to sell things. For example, you could talk about episodes of the Antiques Roadshow where heirlooms are regularly appraised for thousands of dollars, and ask whether your parents’ own possessions may similarly be worth some money.

They might want to have the items appraised anyway, for insurance purposes. At the very least, Jeannine might recommend that her mother put the jewelry into a safe deposit box for safekeeping as an asset.

For things that aren’t so valuable, you could inspire them to let go by mentioning how much their items could mean to someone else — and how much it would mean to you not to be saddled with difficult decisions about their stuff in the future. To this end, Huddleston recommends sharing The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, or a similar book about decluttering with a parent.

You could make it easier for them by offering to post their items on Facebook Marketplace or host a garage sale.

You could point out that proceeds could support not just your parents’ practical needs but help pay for family experiences that would make wonderful memories, like going to a favorite restaurant or museum with them.

Huddleston added that they may also be able to get tax credits for any items they donate to charity.

Be proactive about the money conversation

Talking about personal finances and estate planning with your parents may not be easy, but it’s a lot easier to do proactively in a calm setting than amid a major life upheaval or an emergency, Huddleston says.