Apr 13, 2026
More than half of couples in the U.S. are worried that they're not financially compatible with their partners. A 2023 survey from Bread Financial found that 64% of respondents who were in a relationship said they felt financially incompatible with their partners, and 44% of those said they wish they had a more similar financial mindset to their partner (1).
Rita from Louisville, Ky. is one person who has learned just how serious financial incompatibility can be. She called into The Ramsey Show in March to ask hosts Rachel Cruze and George Kamel for advice on how she could improve her money habits after her fiance broke off their engagement when she lifted the lid on her debt and spending.
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"I just went through a breakup over money, and I want to figure out how to heal from it and move forward," she explained.
Rita learned the hard way how important it is to get your finances on track and have the crucial conversations that lead to a shared vision for how to spend, save and invest.
'Money can become such an identity marker in us'
Rita told the hosts that when her father passed away, she was just 19 years old. She took on a great deal of financial responsibility for her younger siblings, which has left her in debt, in addition to her student loans. She is still living in a situation where her finances are enmeshed with her sister and her semi-retired mother.
"Money is very emotional for me, because I don't have a good relationship with it, and my family doesn't. So when it came time to start going through the finances, it didn't go well," she said.
Cruze and Kamel acknowledged the hurt Rita is feeling, but advised her to change her mindset around money.
"He broke up with the most vulnerable part of you," Cruze said. "Money can become such an identity marker in us, and it shouldn't be. Your money mistakes, your net worth, none of this is who you are as a person."
The hosts told Rita that the first step in healing from her breakup is to break up with her idea of herself as someone who is bad with money. Then she can see her current money issues as the result of the mistakes she has made, rather than evidence of the type of person she is.
"You asked, 'How do I heal?' Well, learn from what broke, and rebuild trust in yourself. Then create the habits and become the person that you want to be. The person who changes your family tree and actually gets out of debt," Kamel advised. "This just might be one of those forks in the road where you look back and go, 'Man, that was a pivotal time in my life’” (2).
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Money and identity in relationships
This mindset can also help couples who may be struggling to blend two different attitudes towards money into one harmonious family. Separating money — and any money mistakes — from the person you love can help you gain perspective.
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This doesn't mean making excuses for any potentially damaging or toxic behavior. As the Bread Financial survey found, Americans are wary of gambling problems, over-investing in crypto, and habitual impulse purchases as financial red flags in a potential partner. And these are healthy fears. But a partner who is working on digging themselves out of debt may not trigger a deal-breaker if their mindset is strong, and they are displaying consistency and responsibility.
Financial compatibility
There are several ways to determine if you're financially compatible with a partner, and these attitudes and discussions should evolve over time — you can't hope to get all the cards on the table on the first date. Some signs that point to strong financial compatibility may include:
- Willingness to discuss money, and being on the same page about how often you discuss
- Similar savings habits and attitudes about saving and investing
- Similar attitudes about debt, and how to approach managing it
- Clear financial objectives, including alignment on how to finance major purchases
Financial compatibility is also a serious indicator of the success and health of a long-term relationship.
Read More: Dave Ramsey says this 7-step plan ‘works every single time’ to kill debt, get rich in America — and that ‘anyone’ can do it
Marriage and debt
It's important to note that Rita's fiance would not be liable for her debts that she acquired before their marriage, no matter whether they were living in a common law or community property state.
Common law, which covers most of the country, stipulates that any property owned before the marriage is separate, and any property acquired during a marriage is not automatically owned by both parties. Under community property laws, property and debts acquired during the marriage are owned equally, but property and debt owned before the marriage are not considered to be shared by both parties (3).
Rita's debt might mean that she has a poor credit score. This could impact a couple if they're hoping to finance major purchases together, such as applying for a mortgage or taking out a car loan. A low credit score can prevent a loan from being approved or significantly raise the interest rate.
Getting your finances marriage-ready
When it comes to making a serious commitment to a partner, it's important to be honest about your finances, even if the picture isn't as rosy as you'd like. If you're hoping to improve your money matters before you join bank accounts, the simple steps to get your finances in order are the same as for anyone else:
*Set a solid budget that's based in the reality of how you spend your money, so you'll be able to stick to it
- Look to pay down your debt, such as with the snowball or avalanche method
- Consider applying for credit counseling or debt consolidation loans
- Make a plan for eliminating your debt, funding your emergency savings, and contributing as much as you can afford to your retirement savings. Discuss this plan with your partner and keep them updated with your progress. Their encouragement can help you stay motivated.
How to decide if your partner's finances are a deal-breaker
On the flip side, if you believe your partner is financially irresponsible, you may make the tough decision to end the relationship. Generally, a partner who promises change but doesn't deliver isn't ready to make a serious commitment to combining finances. If your partner is accumulating more debt on top of an already-heavy debt load, spending irresponsibly or gambling, or not being honest with you about their money, calling off the relationship may save you a headache — as well as a heartache.
Article Sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our ethics and guidelines.
Bread Financial (1); The Ramsey Show Highlights (2), Investopedia (3)
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Rebecca Holland is dedicated to creating clear, accessible advice for readers navigating the complexities of money management, investing and financial planning. Her work has been featured in respected publications including the Financial Post, The Globe & Mail, and the Edmonton Journal.
