California family drops $475K on backyard home for grandma — and they had no choice. 3 ways to prep for the dire US elder care crisis

But her solution was far from cheap.

The California family has spent roughly $475,000 building a backyard accessory dwelling unit (ADU) for Bonjour’s 78-year-old mother after deciding assisted living “didn’t feel right.”

The family’s decision reflects a growing financial and emotional dilemma facing millions of Americans as parents live longer and elder care costs rise.

Assisted Living Locators now place costs for senior living anywhere from $1,500 to $7,000 per month in many parts of the country, while nursing homes and in-home care can quickly drain retirement savings. The national median cost for a private nursing home room is $355 per day, while the median cost for in-home (non-medical) caregiving reaches $35 per hour, according to CareScout.

Steep costs don’t cover everything, either. According to Beautiful Sunsets, an assisted living community based in San Diego, care facilities typically combine the costs of rent, board and basic care (food, electricity, and WiFi). They usually don’t include the costs of other necessities like medical supplies or prescriptions.

So, instead of placing her mother in a care facility, Bonjour and her husband purchased a fixer-upper home in California’s Coachella Valley with enough land to eventually build a fully customized ADU.

The project ballooned into a major undertaking, and it isn’t finished yet.

“The initial estimate for the building alone was about $398,000,” Bonjour said. “But once we added the washer, dryer, appliances, sinks, fixtures and other finishes, the total came to about $475,000.”

While not every family can afford a nearly half-million-dollar backyard home, there’s a broader lesson here: Americans may need to start planning for elder care much earlier than expected.

Aging in place is becoming more expensive

For many families, keeping aging parents at home — or nearby — might be emotionally preferable to assisted living facilities. But it can come with significant financial tradeoffs. For instance, drawing cash out to build an ADU could trigger tax penalties and compromise retirement security.

But for the Bonjours, the costs were worth it.

Part of the family’s hesitation around assisted living came from the emotional strain her mother experienced after losing her husband and leaving behind the Michigan home she had lived in for decades.

“She was already making a major emotional adjustment,” Bonjour said. “Asking her to completely change her lifestyle didn’t feel right.”

While a custom backyard bungalow might be something of an economic fantasy for most middle-class households, the desire for proximity and independence has never been stronger. According to AARP data, three-quarters of adults aged 50 and older explicitly want to remain in their homes as they age. Families are increasingly exploring new practical, low-cost alternatives to home care, such as modest home accessibility renovations, multigenerational living arrangements, or even prefabricated accessory dwelling units that keep older relatives close without draining retirement savings.

But even those projects can become expensive quickly — especially if homeowners need to retrofit their properties to accommodate aging-related mobility needs. That said, there are a few ways to make elder care more accessible.

Make the most of your home

For homeowners considering renovations, accessibility upgrades or ADU construction to support aging parents, tapping into home equity may help fund those projects without liquidating active investments or retirement accounts.

Figure offers homeowners access to home equity products for major expenses such as home renovations, accessibility improvements or multigenerational housing projects. Because the application process is fully online, borrowers can compare options and potentially access funds faster than through some traditional lenders.

Unlike traditional HELOCs, Figure gives you the full approved amount upfront, so it works more like a quick home-equity loan but with the flexibility of a HELOC.

Figure can approve you for a loan up to $750,000, with terms of up to 30 years and a 0.25% autopay discount. It could be a good choice for families who need a large lump sum for home renovation projects, like first-floor bedrooms and walk-in tubs.

You can check your rate for free in minutes and complete the entire application online. Plus, if you’re approved, you’ll get funding in as little as five days.

For many families, though, the challenges extend far beyond just financing and home renovation.

The caregiver’s dilemma and retirement

Bonjour said the experience also changed how she thinks about multigenerational housing and caregiving responsibilities.

“People in my generation are seeing their parents live longer, and more of us are taking on caregiving responsibilities,” she said. “Many of us are trying to figure out how to do right by the people who raised us while also managing our own happiness and family life.”

Bonjour is far from alone in feeling the crunch of competing priorities.

According to a 2026 WifiTalents report, adults caught in this multi-generational squeeze — which it dubs the “sandwich generation” — provide an average of 22.3 hours of care per week to their aging parents on top of their standard childcare and career duties.

That balancing act can create financial pressure for middle-aged Americans who are simultaneously trying to save for retirement, support children and help aging parents. In the same WifiTalents report, 40% of caregivers feel overextended most of the time, and nearly a third describe high levels of stress as they try to distribute their time equitably.

When people are clocking a part-time job’s worth of hours caregiving a week on top of their regular responsibilities (like their full-time job) and feeling overextended, they don’t have the mental bandwidth to shop around. And without a long-term plan, families can end up making large financial decisions emotionally — often during periods of grief, medical emergencies or housing instability.

A financial advisor can help families prepare for long-term care costs

Planning for elder care often involves much more than estimating medical bills.

Families may need to evaluate retirement withdrawals, tax strategies, estate planning, housing decisions and insurance coverage while also considering how caregiving responsibilities could affect their own financial future.

In these cases, working with a financial advisor can help reduce costly oversights. Platforms like WiserAdvisor can help Americans with portfolios worth $250,000 or more connect with vetted professionals who specialize in this kind of planning.

How it works:

1. Share your goals: You provide a few details about your savings, retirement timeline and your investment portfolio
2. Get matched for free: WiserAdvisor scours its network to match you with up to three vetted, reputable advisors who fit your specific needs
3. Consult for free: You can set up a no-obligation consultation with your matches to see who is the best fit for your long-term goals

From here, you can begin to map out not only your retirement, but hopefully figure out how much support you can provide to aging family members without compromising your future.

Note: WiserAdvisor is a matching service and does not provide financial advice directly. All matched advisors are third parties, and specific financial results are not guaranteed.

Long-term care costs can quickly drain retirement savings

Even families who prefer aging in place may eventually face expensive medical or caregiving needs later in life.