‘I was trapped’: Divorce is hard enough, but how do you unravel finances as live-ins who never married?

Moazed told The Wall Street Journal that her partner had regularly assured her that they would eventually get legally married. Meanwhile, she had quit her job to devote time to him and his daughter. He had motivated her to shop for a home they could move into together and when they found a place, he was the one who bought it (1).

Moazed said her ex paid $1.35 million for the house and according to Homes.com, it's now valued at over $2 million. She won't see a dime of that appreciation because, although she was in a long-term partnership with someone and financially entangled her life with his, they were never legally married.

"I was trapped and hopefully, it's not going to happen to other women," Moazed said.

More couples are choosing to remain unmarried than ever before

It's becoming more common for people to opt out of marriage, whether they only perform a religious ceremony like Moazed or stay away from the idea of marriage altogether. Data from 2021 showed that 25% of 40-year-olds had never married, up from 10% in 2010 and 6% in 1980 (2).

However, this doesn't necessarily mean people are avoiding romantic relationships altogether. As of 2022, 22% of people aged 40 to 44 who had never married were nevertheless living with a partner (3).

All couples handle their finances differently. Some open joint bank accounts, while others keep them separate. But they're still combining their finances in other ways.

For example, the number of unmarried couples buying homes together is increasing. In 2023, 16% of first-time homebuyers and 6% of repeat buyers were unmarried couples (4).

This can make breaking up trickier to navigate. Divvying up finances, from houses to bank accounts to child support, is difficult enough when you're divorcing. But the rules are different when you aren't married. How do you untangle your finances when you're splitting from your long-term partner?

Legal protections for unmarried couples during breakups

There is some good news for unmarried couples regarding child custody and child support: Courts handle these issues the same way regardless of whether the splitting couple is married (5).

What about homeownership? If you are unwed and splitting up, both names must be on the deed for both partners to have claim to the property.

Crucially, this is not the same as both names being on the mortgage. When your name is on the mortgage, you are responsible for repaying the lender. When your name is on the deed, you have ownership rights (6).

Washington State is the exception. If the court determines you were in a "committed intimate relationship" (CIR), you'll divide the property as if you were married (7).

In most cases, federal law dictates that either person can withdraw funds and close a joint bank account. However, individual state laws or your financial institution may have different rules that would require both people to be present to close an account (8).

Protecting your finances when splitting from a long-term partner

There is a good chance you may have fewer legal rights when you break up with a long-term partner than someone who files for divorce, especially when it comes to assets such as houses. But you and your ex can still use several strategies to untangle your finances while protecting your own interests.

It's vital to get as much in writing as possible. Do you have a child together? Many couples make informal agreements about shared custody or financial responsibilities when they break up. You might both start with the best of intentions — but if there is a breakdown in your communication, you don't have any legal documentation to protect you.

Because courts treat child custody and support the same way regardless of whether you're married, it's a good idea to go through legal channels, even if you and your ex end on positive terms. Otherwise, you could have to return to court later to settle a dispute, which can result in a long, complicated and even expensive process.

Do you have a joint bank account? Collaborate with your ex-partner to close the account as soon as possible, open separate individual accounts and move the money into those. Deciding how to divide the funds may be difficult, depending on your circumstances and relationship.

If your ex is an authorized user on your credit card, you have the power to remove their name from the account (9). Either person can close a joint credit card account, but the balance must be paid off in full before closing. You will need to agree between yourselves who is responsible for paying off what portion of the balance (10).