Inevitably, a good portion of those people giving money to their parents are married themselves. And this can create tension when spouses disagree on how much to help.
Let’s say you’re closing in on 60, your kids are all teenagers now and your wife is already starting to plan all the trips you’ll do when you finally retire in a few years. But suddenly your spouse informs you her parents have hit a rough patch financially. She wants you to tap into the $610,000 nest egg you’ve built up to help her parents cover their rent.
One month’s rent won’t break the bank, but you’re hesitant to start descending a slippery slope. You’ve worked hard to set aside a chunk of change and you worry any help you give your in-laws now might come at the expense of your (or your children’s) own comfort one day.
The big question is, what should you do in this difficult situation?
Spouses need to talk about shared financial goals
As a general rule of thumb, it's important to prioritize your own finances over providing money to loved ones. Otherwise, this could make it impossible to accomplish your goals.
With the average cost of college coming in at $38,270 per year, according to the Education Data Initiative, and with close to half of all households at risk of running out of money in retirement, you may not be able to afford to provide much money to your in-laws without risking becoming a burden on your own children or leaving them saddled with expensive student loans.
However, since you are married, you also have to take your spouse's wishes into account. Fidelity's 2024 Couples and Money study revealed that 45% of partners have at least occasional money fights and 25% say money conflicts are their biggest relationship challenge. Flat out refusing to help your in-laws at all could come at the cost of your marriage if your spouse resents you for your unwillingness to offer aid.
The best thing to do is to get on the same page with your wife by discussing your financial needs and the impact that gifting her parents money could have on them. If you can show your wife how assisting her parents will impede your efforts to care for your own family, she may decide to offer her parents other types of assistance short of writing them a check.
