My rich fiance, 36, refuses to spend $900 on my dream ring unless I kick in half. Is it fair to go ‘sharesies’ on this?

A woman wrote in to a Washington Post advice column complaining that her fiancé, who makes good money and is 36 years old, asked her to split the cost of her own $900 engagement ring and, making matters worse, never actually proposed.

For context, couples spent an average of $5,200 on an engagement ring in 2024, according to The Knot’s Jewelry & Engagement Study. There’s also the old three-months’ salary rule, though what someone spends on a ring is ultimately far more personal than any decades-old formula would suggest.

So, is going “sharesies” on an engagement ring fair or does asking your future spouse to pay for half miss the point?

The 50/50 split

Splitting expenses has become a normal part of many modern relationships, whether it’s rent, dinner or a vacation. And for some couples, finances are shaping much bigger relationship milestones, too.

A 2025 Apartments.com survey found that one-third of renters living with a romantic partner said they moved in together specifically to save money on rent or other living expenses. Nearly a quarter also said monthly budgets and deciding who would pay for what were among their biggest disagreements when choosing a home together.

But an engagement ring occupies slightly different territory.

“It’d be the equivalent of him asking her to pay for half her birthday present,” April Davis, founder and matchmaker at Luma Luxury Matchmaking, told Moneywise.

Davis said the tradition still matters here: The engagement ring is typically viewed as a gift from the person proposing. And in this case, there doesn’t appear to be an obvious financial reason for asking his partner to chip in.

There are circumstances where splitting the cost may be easier to understand. A couple might agree to get engaged sooner than one partner can comfortably afford, for example, or one person may want a ring significantly more expensive than the original budget.

Sandra Myers, co-founder and president of Select Date Society, echoed some of that sentiment. She said she still prefers the idea of the person proposing purchasing the engagement ring, but believes there is room for compromise when the price starts climbing.

“Where I think splitting the cost makes sense is when someone wants a ring that’s well beyond what their partner planned to spend,” Myers explained.

The $900 question

Ultimately, the disagreement may be about more than who pays for a ring. It can also reveal how each person thinks about generosity, fairness and financial responsibility within a relationship.

“In this case, it just comes off as tacky,” Davis said. “This is more reflective of his character, which should make anyone question whether they should marry this person.”