1. Run, rabbit, run
One weekend my daughter stayed at my mother-in-law’s for an overnight. She bought my daughter a rabbit without our permission or even telling us. We show up to pick up our kid, and there is a giant rabbit cage with a fluffy white bunny, munching on some hay.
She even bought the rabbit bedding and food, to make it so we couldn’t turn it away because "we didn’t have supplies."
We already have two dogs and very little room for a rabbit cage.
But, my kid was ecstatic.
My husband is allergic.
My mother-in-law knows this.
She’s a jerk.
2. A mama of drama
Oh, where to start?
She sent a card saying she couldn’t come to our wedding, then showed up two hours early.
She accepted our invitation for dinner at our new house. I stayed up all night prepping and cooking. Got home from work, and find her leaving — just pulled out of the driveway as I pulled in.
After the birth of my first child, I had complications and was very weak. My husband was concerned for me, naturally so. Angry at the lack of attention directed at her, she pipes in with, “Well I had a heart attack yesterday.”
At her husband’s funeral, she came up to me and said, “Everyone keeps telling me how good I look.”
3. Live-in nightmare
It's more of an ongoing living nightmare than a story.
She moved in with us to downsize and because it made good financial sense, but then blew her nest egg on HSN and cruises.
She rearranges all the dishes in the cupboard, dishwasher and all the food in the cabinets and pantry. She answers the house phone and refuses to pass it off. She downloads viruses on the computer.
She burns food all the time, stinking up the house and constantly setting off the smoke alarm. She clips her toenails in the living room. She parks her car in the driveway blocking the garage, so I have to ask her to move every morning.
It goes on and on.
4. Hardly picture perfect
I am a photography junkie, so over the course of six months, I took professional quality pictures of her sons and grandsons. I also took one of me, holding my son. I had them printed, then framed and matted.
This was part of her Christmas gift two years ago. She pulled them out of the box, and was just like, "Oh. OK" Later on, when we were cleaning up the boxes and paper, I found the one picture with me in it stuffed into a trash bag with other refuse from the evening.
Needless to say, those are the last pictures she is ever getting from me.
5. Sore loser
One Thanksgiving, husband, son, mother-in-law and I started playing Monopoly.
In the middle of it, mother-in-law says she needs to do something. She doesn't say what, but she just gets up and leaves the dining room. We figure she's gone to the bathroom, so my son continues playing for her. Little did we know, she went and took a nap!
So we are playing for a few more hours, and then mother-in-law returns. She's all, "What are you all doing?!"
Well, the fact that we continued to play for her while she disappeared for a couple hours peeved her off so much that she violently shook the board — sending all the cards, money and pieces flying all over the dining room.
I think we were all speechless.
6. Oh, baby
After my three animals passed on (two dogs, one cat), my husband didn't want another pet, even though I did.
When my husband and I were talking about children, I really didn't want any and he wanted two, so we ended up comprising and having one child. Which really turned out the best for us. All of this is relevant to the story.
So my mother-in-law was e-mailing about planning a family event. She asked my opinion and I responded, "I don't care. I don't really have a dog in this race. Besides, my husband won't let me get a dog. Ha ha." She responded, "That's OK. You won't let him have another child."
Oh no... You did not just go there.
7. Nom noms
Instead of saying, "Yum" when she eats her food, or something more appropriate, such as, "This meal is delicious," she goes "nnnnyuuuuuumies." Drives me up the wall every time.
8. Too much kidding around
My mother-in-law baby-talks constantly. Using "sowwies" and pouting is not how you're going to make your son and I believe that you feel remorse. You're 50, not five!
She's great 99% of the time, but good heavens that woman infantilizes herself to the extreme. I love the woman, and her behavior has a good explanation behind it, but it's so, so annoying.
9. A laundry list of complaints
It's a petty thing, but it drives me crazy still.
Any time she visits, she insists on doing the laundry.
Laundry is personal to me, even if it's dirty socks, jeans or sweats. Let alone my underwear or husband's boxers.
But when I had to do laundry when she was here I would give her a basket of black/blue/white socks for her to match up. Wow. it was like giving a kid a tub of Legos. She loved it. But she got no more of our clothes.
I just could not handle her touching my personal items.
10. Clean and jerk
My mother in law has classic case of white glove syndrome.
She is constantly saying how dirty her house is, even though she'd spend hours scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush if she could. How do you even reply after the fifth time? It's like, just stop complaining already!
Sometimes she will talk incessantly about this thing that she needs to do (dishes, yard work, whatever) which really means, "I desperately want you and your husband to do this for me RIGHT NOW."
My husband has stopped obeying her whims and now he uses it as an excuse to leave. "Well, I better leave so you can get going on that thing." Hah.
11. Miss Pronunciation
She is constantly mispronouncing regular, every day words and I know it's petty but it drives me CRAZY.
For example, she says "flustrated" when she means "frustrated." She says "per se" a lot but never uses it correctly. She calls real estate agents "realestaters" instead of Realtors. She also says “mute point” instead of “moot point.”
If she ever stopped talking, these wouldn't be so bad. But if she corners you, be prepared to sit there a while and listen to her tell stories that go absolutely nowhere. You are guaranteed to hear each of these clever mispronunciations at least once.
Again, I know it's super petty but she is in her 50s and talks like she is a child.
12. Mom the merciless
[My mother-in-law is] constantly questioning everything. She would call to talk and it would pretty much be her wanting explanations for everything.
Where did I go shopping? Why did I go shopping? What did I buy? Why did I buy that? What did I pay for It? What did we have for dinner? Why did I make that? How long did it take to cook? What was I doing now? This went on several times a day, every single day.
She would call when she woke up. She would call before lunch. Called again before we went anywhere and called again when we were home.
I'm so glad I got divorced before Skyping and video chat. Could you imagine how bad she would have been then?
13. New living room
My husband and I went on holiday. We left his parents our key so they could feed the fish and water plants We got back after a long flight and drive home at two in the morning.
When we opened the front door, my jaw dropped. Our living room had been totally rearranged, Then I walked through to the kitchen/dinning room. There was a new, hideous dining room table. Then I went to our bedroom. It too had been rearranged! I was livid.
So here we were, at 2 a.m., rearranging our whole house back to normal.That was not the worst part. I cannot stress enough when I say that we went on to find that EVERY SINGLE shelf, cupboard and drawer in the house had been gone through and reorganized.
It took days for me to put everything back.
14. The goat mom
Not a real horror story, but when we called my wife's parents to tell them we were engaged, she made a monotone sound like "aaaaeeaaaah aaaaeeaaahh aaaaeaaahh aaaaaeehhh" — sounded like a goat. No congratulations or anything.
We had been together for nine years and they had pushed us to get married — this was no surprise to anyone. But despite my wife's attempts to convince me otherwise, I was aware of some long-standing reservations she had about me and her daughter.
But you'll be glad to know that, having not seen her in person between then and the wedding, when she arrived in town for the wedding, I was glad to greet her by saying, "aaaaeeaaaah aaaaeeaaahh aaaaeaaahh!"
15. Underneath it all, she means well
My mother-in-law is nice and well meaning but kind of crazy and unstable. She has 15 feral cats that live in her house, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.
When we were planning the wedding, she was obsessed with having her pantyhose match the table cloths at the rehearsal. It got so bad, I just handed it off to my wedding planner.
She keeps giving me and my husband matching underwear. Like Superman boxers and then Superman bikinis for me. I have told her to please not give me underwear anymore but she just keeps doing it. I just think it's really weird she insists on giving me underpants multiple times a year against my wishes.
16. She can just drop by whenever
My mother-in-law once took the keys to our house and made copies for herself without telling us.
She believes firmly that houses should stay unlocked so family can walk in and out uninvited as they please. My husband and I do not adhere to this philosophy, so our doors are always locked. It's not even that we live in a bad neighborhood, but the times have changed and it's now standard to lock the doors at night.
So, my mother-in-law's reaction was to take my husband's keys and make copies so she could come and go as she pleased.
She was not happy when we changed the locks.
17. Faith healer
My mother-in-law is a crazy church lady. Anything and everything can be fixed by going to church more. Only the right kind of Baptist church, mind you.
My wife has some pretty bad health issues and mother-in-law thinks she should stop taking her medication and, you guessed it, go to church more. She once tried to steal my wife's meds to "prove" they were just poisons and the wife would be better off without them.
My mother-in-law is not allowed in our house.
18. Essential snake oils
My ex-mother-in-law is sort of the same, but instead of church she believes in the magical healing powers of oils and crystals.
She once suggested that my mom's lupus would be cured if she took a mixture of random oils instead of her medication (or as she put it, "poisons").
19. Comparing salaries
My mother-in-law asked my wife how much my mother makes. This not being a usual topic of conversation, my wife made up an arbitrary number of $100,000 and told this to my mother-in-law.
Well, about a month later, my mother-in-law came back to my wife and said, "There is no way that your mother-in-law can make that much money."
Apparently she called my mother's place of employment, asked if anyone made more than $100,000. She claims that she was told by my mom's work that no one makes that much money.
She finished by saying that she was glad that my mother didn't make that much, because she claimed she "wanted to be the rich grandma" and it was her job to spoil the kids. That gets kind of hard when she has no money, and doesn't even work!
This woman be crazy.
20. Endless mother-in-law stories
- Said she gave birth to my son.
- Has called me fat multiple times. I weigh 110 pounds and I am 5'5".
Interrupts me when I'm talking about politics because she seems to think that's "not appropriate talk for women."
Said it's too bad my husband didn't marry my best friend instead.
Said no one thought my husband and I would make it.
Threw holy water in my son's face after she found out we weren't having him baptized.
When I was pregnant, I woke up from a dream where I had a miscarriage. I was about 20 weeks along. She came in my room and saw me crying and having an anxiety attack. She said "I once had a dream I miscarried at 20 weeks. The baby died."
21. Pedal to the meddle
I know she isn't the worst. She is a really nice lady. But she meddles. She really doesn't think I can raise my own child, or take care of my own pets.
EVERY day is 40 questions about what's going on in my life, just so she can figure out what I am doing wrong and tell me how to do it right. Yes, I KNOW you think my kid needs to go to the doctor every time she sneezes, but I don't see you taking off work from YOUR job to take her.
It's always the pettiest comments, like, "That litter box really shouldn't be right there." Well, I'm sorry, this is my house, so that's where I put the box. Meddling. I can't handle it.
22. Pigging out
I don't eat pork. Long story; childhood trauma involving a pet pig.
The first several years I dated her son, my ex's mom used to make some form of pork for dinner.
Like, every single time I came over the main course was pork chops, pork tamales, soup with ground pork and so on. She swore up and down that it was an accident and she just kept forgetting.
I found that difficult to believe. Who eats that much pork?
We were together almost 10 years. I was good friends with his sister so I heard about dinner often, and they almost never ate pork when I wasn't around.
23. The reign of terror
My ex-mother-in-law did several nasty things to me during her reign of terror.
Told me that I ruined her son's life because I (yes, me alone) got pregnant.
Burned off all my hair while coloring it. I had to get a pixie cut. (She's a licensed cosmetologist.)
Started a fist fight with my mother at my wedding.
Told my 2-year-old son I was poisoning his food.
Called Child Protective Services so many times on me that I was able to file a lawsuit. She said she would rather see my kids in foster care than with me.
Kicked me out of her house and then set all my belongings on fire.
24. When mom ruins the wedding
She made our wedding a completely stressful, sad and disappointing day.
She told the wedding coordinator that we had scrapped several key elements to the ceremony, so they didn't happen.
She stuck her tongue out, put bunny ears on my wife and generally didn't cooperate for any of the wedding photos. She talked throughout all the speeches.
She was rude to guests who tried to introduce themselves to her. This all culminated in us having a screaming match the morning after my wedding.
My wife didn't speak to her family for about a year after and barely has a relationship with them now, especially her mom. Too bad for her, because we're pretty awesome to hang out with.
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