My brother moved into our aging father’s $900,000 home last year. Now he expects dad to leave him the house in return for the care. Is this fair?

Meanwhile, on the East Coast, her brother Max, 60, has been living with their 82-year-old father Jack since last year when Jack’s health started to fail. Brenda is grateful that Max is looking after him.

Max is single and his own children are fully grown, so he was able to give up his apartment lease and move home to Boston. What’s more, he is a professional caregiver who works in a local care home. Max voluntarily reduced his hours at the care facility to do more for their dad.

Brenda recently asked Max if there was anything she could do to help. He said he didn’t want her money, but made a point of telling her how much he was saving her and their father. He noted that average monthly fees for long-term care in Boston can range anywhere from $7,600 a month for home care to $9,600 in an assisted living facility.

Then he dropped a bombshell. He said he was happy to keep caring for their father as long as Jack was alive, but he wanted something in return: the family home upon Jack’s death.

Jack bought the home in 1968 for $91,000. Today it’s worth an estimated $900,000 in a city where the average home sells for over $760,000, per Zillow. Max’s proposal would leave Brenda with the leftovers of Jack’s estate — just over $400,000 in investments and a $50,000 life insurance policy.

Max added that he’s already talked to their dad about changing his will to leave the family home to him. Jack confirmed this, but told Brenda he hasn’t made a decision.

Brenda is shocked, and doesn’t think Max’s proposal is fair. She wants to know about other options. Most of all, she wants to resolve the tension that’s developed in her family.

The risk of undue influence and unequal treatment in wills

Max has a point about how much money he’s saving Jack by serving as an unpaid live-in caregiver. Max prepares his father’s meals, helps him with grooming and medications, drives him to appointments and provides daily companionship. It’s exhausting, isolating work.

But does that mean Max is entitled to inherit the family home? That’s up to his father. Legally, it’s fine for Max to express his desires — and he has done so openly, with Brenda and their dad — but he cannot force Jack to change his will.

As Pasadena, California-based KJM Law Partners notes, it’s illegal for an adult child to pressure a parent, particularly a parent like Jack who is dependent on their child as a primary caregiver — to change their will. The legal term for such pressure is “undue influence.”

In this scenario, if Jack were to change his will and Brenda suspected Max of applying undue influence, she could challenge the will in court. If she won, the will would be declared invalid and a pre-existing will or state law would determine how Jack’s assets would be distributed.

On the other hand, Brenda should not assume she’s entitled to an equal share of the family home. Jack is within his legal rights to distribute assets unequally in his will. Sivia Law, a Missouri and Illinois-based firm that specializes in estate planning and elder law, notes that parents may divide inheritances unequally among their children for a number of reasons:

• Perceived need. One adult child may have a greater physical, mental, or financial need for support.
• Prior financial support. A parent who has offered one child significant support in the past, for example helping with a down payment, may choose to leave another child more in their will.
• Disapproval. A parent may disapprove of an adult child’s lifestyle or consider them irresponsible with money.
• Appreciation for caregiving or other contributions. Some parents may leave a greater inheritance to an adult child like Max who steps up to provide end-of-life caregiving or who directly supports a family enterprise, like a farm or restaurant.

How parents can reduce sibling conflict over inheritances

As Texas Trust Law warns, transparency is crucial to prevent sibling tension. All too often, parents make verbal promises to their adult children that don’t materialize in their wills, creating conflict between siblings. That can trigger costly litigation, cutting into everyone’s share.

Even if Brenda is upset, her brother Max has done something helpful: He’s started a conversation about his father’s will with both his sister and father.