Apr 23, 2026
Parents never stop parenting — even when their children become adults. That's what parents of millennials and Gen Z are learning. Having come of age in a time of unprecedented global events, from the financial crisis of the late aughts to the pandemic, younger generations have faced barriers when it comes to paying for education, finding employment and affording housing.
It's no surprise that parents have stepped in. Parents of adult children routinely offer financial support, or step in and help with child care. But what if your adult child wants more than occasional support? Here's how you can set boundaries with your adult children when it comes to financial or child care support.
When an adult child expects your help
Imagine Liza, who is nearing retirement but still working, hoping to maximize her retirement savings in her last years of employment. Her daughter, Gwen, is nearing age 40, and has never been married, but really wants kids.
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Gwen has decided that she will pursue parenthood as a single mother, opting to get a genetic donation. When Gwen tells her mother, she adds that she plans to move back into Liza's home, so Liza could help raise her infant. Gwen has a demanding career with long hours, and she says that she wouldn't be able to take time off work, but that her mother could instead take care of the baby.
Liza is rightfully shocked to learn Gwen made these plans without even asking her mother if she would be willing to share her home, or co-parent her infant grandchild. Liza doesn't want to damage her relationship with her daughter, but she doesn't think she will be able to keep her retirement savings plan on track if she stops working early.
Liza also has plans for her retirement — including travel and downsizing her home — that she can't fulfill if she becomes a full-time co-parent.
How much help parents are giving
A 2025 survey from Savings.com (1) of 1,000 parents of adult children found half of respondents said they give regular financial assistance to their kids. The average amount of financial help given by those parents? $1,474 a month.
While Gen Z has more financial help on average, at $1,813 a month, millennials still clocked in at $863 a month.
When it comes to providing childcare, parents of adult children often step in to help. According to a 2024 survey from University of Michigan's Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation (2), 20% of grandparents surveyed said they provide care for grandchildren at least once a week, and 8% said they provide daily or near-daily care.
And grandparents often help raise grandchildren before they reach school age. A 2011 study by non-profit Zero To Three (3) found about 1 in 4 children under 5 years old were routinely cared for by a grandparent.
With the high cost of childcare (4), it's no wonder parents often ask their own parents to lend a hand. But providing regular care and providing constant, live-in care are two different things, and it's important to establish boundaries around how much help you are able to offer when it comes to your grandkids.
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When it comes to a scenario like Liza and Gwen, the biggest pitfall is a lack of communication. According to Zero To Three, communicating about expectations right from the start is the best way to avoid conflict (5). Gwen should have brought up her wishes in a discussion with her mother, and given Liza a chance to consider what she would like to do. Assuming her mother would change her whole life around to provide live-in care for a grandchild wasn't a fair assumption to make.
There's also the issue of finances; in Liza's scenario, her retirement savings might not yet be adequate, meaning it is not wise for her to stop working without some serious financial planning. Retiring early would mean losing the ability to earn more in her last few years of working, and if Liza had to start Social Security earlier than she planned, she could end up reducing the amount of her monthly benefit (6).
A parent who doesn't have adequate retirement savings can also end up being a burden on their adult child — if her mother wasn't able to take care of herself financially, Gwen could actually find herself caring for both a child and a parent, like so many others in the sandwich generation.
If your adult child has asked for more than you can give when it comes to financial or childcare help, it's important to have a direct and honest conversation about what help they can expect. While Liza might not be able to offer a home and full-time care for her daughter and grandchild, there might be other ways she can help that don't totally derail her retirement plans.
When adult children ask for help in caring for their children, grandparents will almost always want to lend a hand — after all, at the end of the day, it means spending time with their grandchildren. But if you're relying on a grandparent to provide childcare, it's important to establish expectations and boundaries.
While providing financial or childcare help for grandchildren is something most grandparents will be willing, and perhaps eager to do, it shouldn't come at the cost of your own ability to take care of yourself, especially if you're nearing retirement and haven't yet met your savings goals.
Article Sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our ethics and guidelines.
Savings.com (1); University of Michigan Institute for Healthcare Policy and Innovation (2); Zero To Three (3),(5); U.S. Census Bureau (4); U.S. Social Security Administration (6)
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Rebecca Payne has more than a decade of experience editing and producing both local and national daily newspapers. She's worked on the Toronto Star, the Globe and Mail, Metro, Canada's National Observer, the Virginian-Pilot and Daily Press.
