Now Peter and Rhonda are making their estate plans. Unfortunately, this process is creating conflict because Peter has substantial assets. He wants to leave his fortune to his own children, but Rhonda feels like her kids should also get a piece of the pie.
So, should Peter leave money to Rhonda’s kids? And if he doesn’t, how can he ensure his wishes are respected if he dies first?
Peter isn’t alone in favoring his biological children
While Rhonda may feel Peter is being unfair by prioritizing his own children in his estate plan, this is not unusual.
“It is common, and it is legal,” Lisa G. McCurdy, founder of The Wealth Counselor, told Moneywise. “In blended families, many parents want their own children to inherit what they built. Stepchildren generally do not inherit by default unless they were legally adopted.”
Rachel Schromen, an estate planning attorney at Schromen Law, agreed, telling Moneywise, “it’s very common in blended families for someone to want their assets to ultimately pass to their biological children rather than their stepchildren.”
McCurdy said that spouses are often fine with this plan, while Schromen explained that the preference “doesn’t necessarily reflect lack of love or commitment to their spouse or stepchildren. Often, it’s simply a recognition that each spouse came into the marriage with different family relationships, financial obligations, and intentions for their estate.”
And Somita Basu, founder of Norton Basu, LLP, said this is often a two-way street, telling Moneywise, “it’s very common for parents to leave their estate to their biological children and exclude their stepchildren. Often the other spouse will do the same with their own biological children. This is usually the assumption made by both spouses. Each leaves their estate to their own children.”
What should you do if your spouse is upset about it?
While Peter can point out that many people favor their own kids when creating an estate plan, and tell Rhonda she’s free to do the same, the conflict may still remain if Rhonda feels her children are being shortchanged. An open conversation between the two about the issue could be the best way to deal with the situation.
“When spouses disagree about an estate plan, I encourage them to approach the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness,” Schromen said. “What’s really driving the disagreement? Is one spouse worried about financial security? Does excluding stepchildren feel like a rejection of the family they’ve built together? Or is the other spouse concerned that assets intended for their children could ultimately pass to someone else?”
