Aug 9, 2026
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Add us on GoogleMost Americans want a loved one in charge of their estate after they’re gone. In fact, 63% of respondents to Trust & Will’s 2025 estate planning survey said they want a family member to serve as executor (the person who manages their affairs and guides the estate through probate after death).
Serving as executor can be a lot of work, though, and not everyone wants the job — especially if there’s already family conflict. Let’s pretend, for example, that Carol wants her sister Susan to be the executor of her will, even though they aren’t getting along at all.
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Susan said no and asked Carol to change her will so Susan is no longer named to this role. But Carol won’t budge. Now, Susan wants to know what her options are and if she can be forced to serve.
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No one can force you to be the executor of a will
Fortunately, there’s good news for Susan. She won’t be required to take on the obligation of managing her sister’s estate.
“One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that being named as an executor is an obligation. It isn’t,” Jill Mastroianni, an estate planning attorney and the founder of Mastroianni Legacy Law, said to Moneywise.
And other experts agree.
“Nobody is forced to serve as executor, and your sister’s approval is not what controls,” Raul Gastesi, founding partner of Gastesi Lopez Mestre & Cobiella, told Moneywise.
However, Susan’s unwillingness to take on this role doesn’t mean her sister must change the will either. “The person creating the estate plan has the right to choose whomever they want to serve as the executor,” Anna Blood, a family law attorney in North Carolina, advised Moneywise. “But the person named isn’t required to accept or continue in that role.”
Before Susan declines, though, it’s worth considering one key fact.
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“The role of executor does not come into being until the person dies, so at that point the sibling would not have to work with the sister if she decided to serve as executor. The sister would never know because she’d be dead,” Elizabeth Candido Petite, chair of Lindabury’s Wills, Trusts and Estates practice group, told Moneywise.
Refusing to serve isn’t a failure, either. “If the relationship is beyond repair and the fighting has made the estate impossible to administer, stepping aside is a legitimate and fairly common decision. It is not an admission that you did anything wrong,” Gastesi said.
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How can Susan get out of being an executor?
So, what should Susan do if she doesn’t want to say yes?
“How you get out depends on where you are in the process,” said Gastesi, while Mastroianni explained that “you don’t need your sister’s permission to step down.”
“If you are named in the will but the court has not yet appointed you, the cleanest path is to decline before you ever take office. You file a written renunciation or declination with the court and the job passes to the alternate named in the will, or if there is no alternate, to whoever the statute prefers next,” Gastesi said.
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Susan should act quickly in declining, though.
“In my experience, if the family relationships are already strained, it is better to leave earlier than later,” said Alex Hait, managing partner at North Metro Litigators. “A resignation may preserve protection for the estate and give the court an opening to designate either the successor executor in accordance with the will or another qualified person to perform the duties.”
Once Susan resigns, there’s a process for replacing her.
“Generally, there is a provision in the will which states if person X is unable or unwilling to serve, person Y will then serve as executor,” Sheryl Dennis, a partner at Fields & Dennis LLP, told Moneywise. “If the issue of successor is not addressed in the will, then a petition to have the court appoint a Special Administrator would be best, but this can be an expensive undertaking.”
Gastesi also had more good news for Susan. “Resigning has nothing to do with your inheritance. If you are a beneficiary, you keep whatever the will leaves you. Serving as executor and inheriting are separate roles, and giving up one does not affect the other.”
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Christy Bieber has 15 years of experience as a personal finance and legal writer. She has written for many publications including Forbes, Kilplinger, CNN, WSJ, Credit Karma, Insurify and more.
