Jul 12, 2026
Among U.S. adults, around 53% report having between one and four close friends — but there’s an age divide. Older Americans are much more likely than their younger counterparts to have five or more close friends.
Finding new friends gets harder as you get older and no longer meet people through activities like school or sports. That’s why many people really value friendships with people they’ve known for decades. But what happens if an old friend ends up disrespecting and damaging your property? Should you eat the cost to preserve the friendship, or speak up?
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Let’s pretend, for example, that James had an old friend, Dan, who came for a weeklong visit. Unfortunately, after Dan left, James discovered that Dan had damaged his expensive coffee table by spilling a drink on it and not cleaning it up. Now, James is left wondering if he should ask Dan to chip in for a new table.
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Did Dan know about the table damage?
While it may seem like the obvious question is whether James should ask Dan for cash, there’s actually another side of the coin to consider.
“I would actually turn the scenario around,” Robbie Hyman, a Silicon Valley marketing writer and author of The Money Savvy Teen, told Moneywise. “If someone staying with you damages your expensive coffee table, the question is whether or not the person offers to pay for it. The answer to that question is a great way to learn whether your houseguest is in fact a friend at all, or just someone you know.”
If Dan knew he’d damaged the table, he should have talked to James to make things right.
“I don’t think the table-wrecking friend actually owes you money to repair or replace it,” Hyman said. “A friendship is not a professional arrangement or a legal contract. A sincere apology might even suffice, especially if your guest doesn’t have cash to buy a costly coffee table.”
While Hyman said the most honorable move would be for Dan to offer to financially contribute toward a new table when he can, the reality is that if Dan knew he damaged the table and said nothing at all, that behavior may be a bigger problem than the ruined furniture.
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Approach the situation carefully
While James has a right to be upset about Dan’s radio silence and a right to broach the subject, James still must be careful with how he handles the situation.
“The most important thing, in any scenario, is that you approach your friend with love and try not to get too emotionally attached to the coffee table,” said David Wangberg, founder of Wangberg Financial Coaching.
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Wangberg said the friend may be feeling “guilt and shame,” which might explain why he didn’t bring up the damage in the first place. If that’s the case, an open conversation about what happened is the way to go, and asking for the money may not be out of bounds.
“You can and should ask how they feel about chipping in for a replacement,” Wangberg said. “If they are unable to, then you can find other ways for them to contribute to replacing it or to pay for a future get-together like dinner, or an upcoming trip.”
James could also offer Dan a way to contribute to fixing the situation without demanding payment, especially if Dan doesn’t have the money.
“See how they can contribute in a way where money doesn’t have to play into the equation,” Wangberg suggested. “For example, you could have them help you assemble a new coffee table after you purchase it.”
If Dan isn’t receptive to these ideas or if James feels uncomfortable suggesting them, James has a decision to make. With LendingTree research revealing that 41% of Americans have experienced tension with a friend over money, and 36% admitting they’ve even lost a friend over it, ultimately, James must consider how much of a big deal he wants to make over the table.
After all, as Wangberg said, “A material object can easily be replaced. The long-term friendship you have with someone [can be] more important to keep intact.”
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Christy Bieber has 15 years of experience as a personal finance and legal writer. She has written for many publications including Forbes, Kilplinger, CNN, WSJ, Credit Karma, Insurify and more.
