Nov 20, 2024
On the AskWomen subreddit, a thought-provoking question emerged: for women who prioritize financial security over love, how did their choices shape their lives?
Among the responses, Redditor theansweriscats shared a compelling story about the costs and benefits of financial stability. She married a successful older man who became both her partner and mentor, teaching her discipline, organization and a story work ethic. While she valued the financial security and life lessons, the relationship lacked emotional connection.
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“I was never in love with him, but I appreciated the financial stability,” she admitted.
Her life shifted when her husband left her and their children for a younger woman. Instead of being defeated, she used the skills she had learned to build her own success. Rising to an executive position, she eventually found love with a new partner.
“Years later, I am making seven figures,” she reflected.
The story highlights a deeper question: was the financial security worth the emotional toll? While theansweriscats turned her life around, her journey shows that choosing money over love can come at a steep price.
Financial independence
Many women in the AskWomen thread echoed that sentiment, admitting that prioritizing their education, careers and personal growth gave them a more reliable path to financial freedom than depending on a partner.
Theansweriscats credited much of her success to the lessons she learned from her partner. “Honestly, I could not have secured my own financial stability if it were not for learning all that I did from my ex-husband,” she wrote. “I still hear his voice in my head advising me.”
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Her story also serves as a cautionary tale about the risks of financial dependency. According to data from YouGov, more than one-third of women in relationships report being financially dependent on their partner, with 15% stating they are fully dependent and 20% admitting to being somewhat reliant.
Financial independence means financially sustaining yourself without relying on an external source of income, explained Melissa Terry, a chartered financial analyst at VEM Tooling in Kenner, Louisiana. In a Forbes interview, she described financial independence as “a state where one has acquired enough wealth, assets, and income to sustain their desired lifestyle”.
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The emotional cost
While financial independence offers empowerment, the emotional toll of prioritizing money over love can be steep. For theansweriscats, the trade-off had its challenges.
“It worked for me,” she shared. “But I agree with you, women should exercise caution when depending on a partner/man entirely for her livelihood without protections in place.”
Divorce, in particular, is not only emotionally taxing but also expensive. According to Prudential Financial, divorce costs an average of $10,100 for couples without children and $15,000 for those with children. Even when financial stability is achieved through a relationship, its dissolution can erase many of its initial benefits. An estimated 41% of first marriages end in divorce, according to Wilkinson & Finkbeiner.
The answer to the question on the subreddit, “For women who chose financial security over love, how did that turn out?” is not definite. Theansweriscats’ story shows that success isn’t about choosing one over the other.
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Victoria Vesovski is a Toronto-based Staff Reporter at Moneywise, where she covers the intersection of personal finance, lifestyle and trending news. She holds an Honours Bachelor of Arts from the University of Toronto, a postgraduate certificate in Publishing from Toronto Metropolitan University and a Master’s degree in American Journalism from New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her work has been featured in publications including Apple News, Yahoo Finance, MSN Money, Her Campus Media and The Click.
