Women across America felt ‘triggered’ by this hit memoir of marital and financial betrayal — now they’re rushing to gain control of their finances

That rupture sits at the heart of Burden’s blockbuster memoir, Strangers, but the book’s resonance extends well beyond the emotional aftermath of divorce. It has also become a cautionary financial story about what can happen when the mechanics of a marriage — the assets, the agreements, the accounts and the fine print — remain largely out of view until the relationship itself begins to fall apart.

“I lost touch with both the big picture and the details of our financial life, depending on James to tell me what to do,” Burden wrote, using a pseudonym for her ex-husband.

It is that admission, as much as the collapse of the marriage itself, that has struck a nerve with readers.

Losing touch with the money

Burden was hardly someone you would expect to feel intimidated by money. She grew up surrounded by wealth — her father descended from the Vanderbilts, while her mother was the daughter of socialite Babe Paley — and went on to study at Harvard and New York University before working as a corporate lawyer.

Still, somewhere over the course of her marriage, she stopped looking closely at her own financial life.

“I felt some shame about it, about not being involved, about not asking questions. But I was afraid I wouldn’t understand it, it was too complicated for me, even though I was a former corporate lawyer. I settled into the vagueness, the luxury and privilege of not knowing,” Burden wrote.

It is a dynamic Kimberly Miller, founder and chief divorce educator at divorce education platform PartWise, says is far from unusual. Many women may know what comes in and out of the household each month, while having far less visibility into retirement accounts, investments, debt, insurance or even whose name appears on major assets.

“Many women disengage from household finances because responsibilities naturally evolve over time, with one partner taking the lead while the other focuses on different aspects of family life,” Miller told Moneywise.

That division of responsibility can leave women financially vulnerable in ways that are not always obvious day to day. A 2025 NerdWallet survey found that 19% of married or cohabiting women were entirely dependent on their partner’s income, compared with just 5% of men. Only 36% of women surveyed said they would be financially secure if their partner died.

Even women who are actively saving may not always be making the most of their money. A recent Vanguard survey found that while more than 70% of women feel confident about saving, nearly half keep their savings in accounts earning less than 3% interest.

For Miller, being financially engaged in a marriage is not about preparing for its failure. It is about making sure both people understand the architecture of the life they are building together — not only what they spend, but what they own, owe and would be left with if that life suddenly changed.

What the prenup didn’t anticipate

Before they married, Burden asked her fiancé to sign a prenup. The original agreement protected both of their premarital assets, but it was later renegotiated so that only jointly held property would be divided in a divorce.

Earnings and investments kept in either spouse’s individual name would remain separate. Her lawyers advised her against signing the revised agreement, but Burden said its logic made sense to her at the time.

Then the balance of the marriage shifted. Burden left her legal career to raise their children while her husband’s career took off. She says she used money from her own trust to help buy homes they shared, while much of his compensation and investment wealth remained in his name.

By the time the marriage ended two decades later, the agreement looked very different in practice.

“He had not hidden it,” Burden wrote. “I had chosen not to look. I had chosen not to know.”

Aaron Thomas, a family law attorney and founder of Prenups.com, says the prenup process can force couples to have financial conversations they might otherwise avoid, including what will be shared, what will remain separate and who will be responsible for debts.

“This one act of transparency and planning can pay huge dividends for the couple for the lifetime of their relationship,” he told Moneywise.

Is it time to take stock of your family finances?

That realization has become one of the central financial lessons Burden hopes readers take from Strangers. Now, she encourages women to know what they own, understand what their names are attached to and pay attention to the agreements shaping their financial lives.

It seems they are listening.