Dec 9, 2025
Running a business is no easy feat. Neither is managing your household’s finances. So when Amanda from Tampa offered to do both, her husband was willing to get on board and let her run the show.
The problem? The couple opened a restaurant in October that never made money. Instead of coming clean, Amanda lied to her husband and told him everything was fine.
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Now, after 16 years of marriage and with two kids, they’re facing possible bankruptcy and losing their rental apartment. Amanda has fallen behind on credit card bills, and their finances are in shambles. Worse, her husband wants to separate because he believes she’s committed financial infidelity. That led Amanda to reach out to The Ramsey Show for help.
Amanda’s secrecy left her husband feeling deceived, raising questions of the aforementioned financial infidelity and financial gaslighting. To see how it got to this point, it’s worth looking back at how their business began.
A venture that was doomed from the start
Amanda told Dave Ramsey that she and her husband pooled all their money to open the restaurant, quitting their jobs to work there full-time. The problem? They had never run a restaurant before and didn't know what they were doing.
Amanda handled the finances, but her short-term mindset clashed with her husband’s long-term outlook. "As long as I can pay my bills this month, I'm good," she said of her approach.
He asked her repeatedly how the business and their finances were doing. For two months, Amanda assured him everything was fine, even though it wasn’t.
Her husband, who had been burned financially by his ex-wife, said Amanda’s dishonesty is hard to forgive. She didn’t steal money or splurge irresponsibly, but hiding the truth about their situation is something he can't work past.
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Ramsey didn’t mince words. Quitting their jobs to run a restaurant with no experience was, in his view, reckless.
"This was doomed from the start," he said, adding that her husband wasn’t blameless. “He’s as irresponsible as you are.”
Ramsey advised Amanda to admit she was in over her head and ask her husband for help. Now, he said, the couple "desperately" needs to meet with a marriage counselor.
He also said Amanda seems to be taking responsibility for her mistakes, while her husband is not. Moving forward, both need to take equal ownership of their finances.
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Financial gaslighting or poor judgment?
Amanda clearly mismanaged the restaurant and her communication with her husband. But calling her behavior financial gaslighting may be a stretch.
At its core, financial gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which one person manipulates another over money. Amanda’s intent, based on her talk with Ramsey, was more about fear and not wanting to disappoint her husband than deliberately trying to control him.
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The bigger issue is that the couple’s venture had slim odds from the beginning. Restaurants have one of the highest failure rates of any business. The National Restaurant Association says 30% fail within the first year.
Restaurant software company Toast highlights the most common reasons:
- Broad economic problems
- Lack of concept or differentiation
- Poor management
- Insufficient funds
- Too much competition
- Lack of experience
- Inadequate marketing
- Failure to adapt
In Amanda’s case, lack of experience was a major factor.
How to run a small business successfully
Amanda and her husband went in without a business plan or financial safeguards, which left them especially vulnerable. They also didn’t work as a financial team, something Ramsey flagged as a critical mistake.
If you're considering starting a business, especially with your partner, the Small Business Administration recommends these helpful tips:
- Conduct market research ahead of time
- Write a detailed business plan
- Make sure you have a reliable source of funding for your business
- Choose your location carefully
- Work with a tax professional to pick the right business model
- Open a business bank account and keep business finances separate when possible
If you’re going into business with your spouse or partner, also make sure you share the same work ethic and goals. Agree in advance on what circumstances might signal it’s time to shut things down. The more open and honest you are with each other, the better chance your relationship has to survive, even if your business doesn’t.
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Maurie Backman has been writing professionally for well over a decade. Since becoming a full-time writer, she's produced thousands of articles on topics ranging from Social Security to investing to real estate.
