Georgia woman’s husband keeps her in the dark about their finances and must ask him for money — what Dave Ramsey says to do or ‘shut up about it’

“I feel like his daughter instead of his wife,” she said. Brandy revealed that the only time she learned their net worth was during a brief separation two years ago, when her attorney uncovered financial documents in preparation for divorce proceedings.

Despite returning to her husband due to financial strain, Brandy said nothing has changed. She is still in the dark, still dependent and still afraid of what would happen if he were to die or abandon her financially.

Here’s what Ramsey told her to do — and what others can do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Recognizing financial control and abuse

Brandy’s situation is not just a marital disagreement. It reflects a troubling pattern known as financial abuse. Financial abuse occurs when one spouse uses money to control the other, limiting their access to financial information, restricting spending or preventing them from becoming independent.

After hearing her story, Ramsey said, “Are you going to actually get on the phone and call a marriage counselor and go sit down with one? You need to do that today,” he advised. “If you're not going to do nothing about it, shut up about it. But if you're going to do something, then we'll pray for you.”

However, leaving an abusive spouse is not as easy as Ramsey makes it seem. Wings, a Chicago-based resource for domestic violence victims, explains that financial abuse is the number one reason that a victim of abuse may return to a former partner. (2)

Moreover, up to 99% of domestic violence cases include financial abuse, and the current economic instability means that it’s even riskier for victims to leave their abuser than under normal circumstances. Financial abuse is a key reason victims stay in an unhealthy relationship or feel forced to return after leaving — because they literally cannot afford to be independent.

How to start regaining financial independence

Regaining financial independence starts with taking back control — even if you’ve been out of the workforce or financially dependent on your spouse. While systemic issues like the gender pay gap create challenges, there are concrete steps you can take right now to protect yourself.

Women earn less over their lifetimes. White women make just 83% of what men earn, and that gap widens for women of color — which can increase dependence on a partner’s income. (3) But financial equality in a marriage isn’t about who earns more; it’s about having equal access, equal decision-making power, and a plan in place if the relationship ends.

Ramsey’s advice to Brandy was simple but difficult: she must take action now. That may mean entering counseling, demanding transparency, or beginning the process of leaving the relationship for good. For anyone in a similar situation, the first steps toward independence may include:

• Opening your own bank account
• Tracking your monthly living costs
• Building an emergency fund and securing some income of your own
• Seeking guidance from a financial advisor or attorney
• Connecting with domestic abuse resources if control escalates

Creating financial equality within a marriage

Even in marriages that are not abusive, financial dependence can be risky. Women who leave the workforce to care for children lose an average of $150,000 over their career. (4). And 80% of these mothers say they feel undervalued or excluded from financial decision making. (5)

To prevent this imbalance, couples must ensure that the stay-at-home spouse has equal access to financial information, decision-making power, and discretionary funds. Financial partnership is essential to a healthy marriage.