One of life’s hardest challenges is watching our parents grow old. The moment you realize you may need to move them out of their own home and into a facility can be an especially wrenching moment.
It’s especially hard when you or your parent might not be financially prepared for the move — not to mention understandably stubborn about it, too.
Consider this scenario: Your mother is aging fast, and you’ve witnessed a severe decline in her cognitive health. Her ability to take care of her own basic needs has diminished, but neither you nor your siblings are able to care for her around the clock.
You’ve decided it’s time to move Mom into an assisted living facility, but there’s a big problem: She has no retirement savings that you know of, and she currently gets by on a small Social Security check. You’ve toured facilities that accept those on Medicaid, but she doesn’t like any of them.
How can you best set your parent up for assisted living and keep her comfortable for the final years of her life?
Accessing lost savings
While her finances may dictate whether she ends up in a low-end facility, you may want to make an effort to respect her wishes as best you can and see if she can afford a nicer place.
Consider a thorough search for long-forgotten assets. While you’re mostly certain that your mom doesn’t have substantial savings, it’s worth trying to find out if she has any inactive financial accounts. According to a 2023 report by financial firm Capitalize, nearly 30 million 401(k) accounts worth $1.65 trillion were left behind by American workers who may have forgotten about them during job moves.
You can search for these types of accounts using the government’s Lost and Found Database. Searching requires an ID-proofed Login.gov account for your mom. If she suffers from cognition challenges, getting access to funds might be tricky and require you to obtain legal authority such as through guardianship.
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Paying for assisted living with no savings
If a lavish facility is off the table, the focus should be on your mother’s safety and ensuring her daily needs are met.
Medicaid generally does not cover room and board costs at an assisted living facility. However, many assisted and independent living facilities accept Medicaid Home and Community-Based Service Waivers that can cover some costs. housing support for seniors and those with disabilities. In some cases, nonprofit or church-affiliated facilities may offer support as well.
If you don’t want to see your mom go somewhere she might be unhappy, you might decide to bite the bullet and chip in to pay for a private facility. The median cost of an assisted living facility is nearly $6,100 a month, according to SeniorLiving.org. Prices can vary based on location, level of care and length of stay.
Talking with your elderly parent
Moving our parents out of their home and into a facility is always challenging, but there are conversations families should have ahead of time to make the transition a bit easier.
If your parents are late into their careers or at retirement age, and they have some retirement assets, it’s worth asking if they’ve considered future care costs.
You may find one day you need access to your parents’ retirement accounts. Discuss getting power of attorney while your parent is still capable of granting it. They can’t sign a POA if they are incapacitated or a judge rules them mentally unfit, which could force you to pursue guardianship or conservatorship through the courts to gain authority over their financial affairs, including retirement accounts.
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Chris Clark is a Kansas City–based freelance contributor for Moneywise, where he writes about the real financial choices facing everyday Americans—from saving for retirement to navigating housing and debt.
