I’m 67, recently retired and can’t wait to start my next chapter. But my husband doesn’t seem to share my dreams for our golden years. What do I do?

Eleanor feels that her vision of retirement doesn’t align with Dave’s. She wants a shared retirement vision with him, but she’s not sure how to get him on board. Can this couple get on the same page?

Creating space for personal retirement dreams

While many couples agree to the specifics of retirement in advance, some don’t. For example, 25% of married couples disagree on how much money they will spend on hobbies and travel in retirement, according to a recent survey from Ameriprise Financial [1].

In the case of Eleanor and Dave, it’s likely that a cloudy vision for their retirement years also means some possible disagreement on their budget. After all, taking bucket list trips isn’t usually cheap.

Before jumping into a conversation about her husband’s retirement dreams, it’s helpful for Eleanor to nail down her own. While she’s shared some of her big dreams, getting specific on what her day-to-day retirement life will look like can come in handy.

After she has figured out what she wants her day-to-day life in retirement to look like, she can broach the conversation with her husband. When having this conversation, it’s a good idea to come with an open mind. While she might have far-flung dreams that could take them around the world, Dave’s retirement goals might be a little bit closer to home. If he’s not able to provide a clear vision for his retirement, consider finding ways to help him out of his comfort zone in a low-stakes environment.

This might include:

• Signing up for a short class on a shared interest.
• Meeting friends for coffee or committing to a daily walk together.
• Planning a small weekend getaway to test the waters before a bigger trip.

Small experiments can make it easier to imagine bigger commitments and create more shared memories along the way.

Finding purpose in retirement

Dave’s laid back approach to retirement is more common than you might think. Many Americans derive their purpose from their employment [2], so transitioning out of the working world can lead to a lost feeling for many.

A lack of purpose after retirement can be difficult to contend with. This doesn’t mean retirees want to do nothing — it often means they haven’t yet figured out what feels meaningful outside of work. But the good news is that retirement can represent an opportunity to find a new sense of purpose [3].

And a supportive partner can provide the necessary budget to help their significant other find some drive in their golden years. After all, it often costs money to pursue new passions.

As Eleanor seeks to help Dave, she might start by asking questions that spark his creativity. She might uncover what Dave’s childhood interests were, which could rekindle into a genuine passion. For example, if she discovers that he enjoyed taking a shop class in high school, she might sign the couple up for an evening class at a woodworking workshop. Or if he loves history, she might encourage him to order some interesting books and potentially help him map out a trip to see some of the sites that fascinate him most.

Helping Dave experiment in these areas not only gives him a sense of purpose, but also lets his plans fit more naturally alongside Eleanor’s. Together, they can balance personal passions with shared adventures, which keeps retirement exciting for them both.