'You don't know what he's put in your name': The Ramsey Show's wake-up call for a woman shut out of her own finances

He controls the accounts, handles the major bills, and gives her a small allowance for groceries and everyday expenses.

“This is an overlord, not a husband,” Coleman said in response.

When she recently started asking questions – and pushing for more transparency – his response wasn’t to open the books. He threatened divorce.

The financial deceit

Susan claims her husband asked her to sign a blank prenup the day before their wedding. On another occasion, he went to the bank to refinance their house without telling her (she’s not listed on the mortgage). She said he may have refinanced it to address his struggling business.

When the hosts asked what she needed help with, Susan didn’t have a clear answer because she didn’t have a clear picture of her own finances.

She isn’t sure how much her husband owes, what she’d be walking into if the marriage ends or what she’s entitled to.

The hosts told her there may be a small silver lining: If her name isn’t on any loans or accounts, she likely isn’t legally responsible for his debt. But without visibility, there’s no way to be certain, and that’s the real problem.

“But that doesn’t really help you with your problem,” he added. “You don’t know what he’s done. You don’t know what he’s put in your name.”

And Cruze warned of a risk around home equity, especially as she’s not listed on the mortgage.

“Any equity that’s built into this thing, either you don’t have, which is a negative,” Cruze said. “But also, if he is underwater a hundred grand in business loans and he has to file bankruptcy, they’re going to take the house and use the equity.”

She said she just finished a degree in esthetics, but doesn’t yet have the means to support herself. The hosts advised her to make a choice ASAP and, at the very least, go get a job.

“Either he changes and chooses to be a spouse in this relationship, which means commitment and transparency,” Cruze said. “If he doesn’t do that, which he probably won’t, then you need to make a decision.”

The importance of financial trust in marriage

Talking about money may not be the most romantic thing, but it’s certainly one of the most important conversations in a healthy marriage.

Trust and transparency in marital finances not only puts you and your spouse in a good fiscal spot, it also leads to healthy communication, reduces conflict, and strengthens the relationship overall (2) – especially if you have the talk before marriage. Financial stress is among the leading causes of relationship conflict (3), with money disagreements considered a strong predictor of breakdowns among couples.

A survey from the Institute of Family Studies found just over half of respondents had been financially deceived (4) by their spouses. Financial infidelity can have some of the same consequences as traditional infidelity, and there are warning signs to watch for.