‘It immediately puts men on the defensive:’ Single women say homeownership is hurting their dating lives. Here's why

But the Guardian recently highlighted the woes of Tiffany Tate of Winston-Salem, North Carolina and ‘Tonya’ of San Francisco, who both experienced road blocks in dating whenever they mentioned they owned their homes.

Tiffany said one suitor asked her, “If you buy that house, what’s a guy going to do for you?” Then 29, she had just ended a long-term relationship and moved to Charlotte for a new job at a career development center.

“I was like, ‘I don’t understand the question’,” she recalled, admitting she was jarred by the man’s inquiry. “Why would me buying a house be a deterrent for a guy? Wouldn’t that be a positive? He went from seeming really nice to kind of aggressive.”

Some men see female homeowners as a deterrent

Tonya wished to remain anonymous for the article because of the very backlash she received while trying to achieve her goal of homeownership. She moved to the Bay Area in 2021 after accepting a faculty position at the University of California, San Francisco.

She was 36 when she closed on her condo, and what should have been a blessing caused friction in her personal life.

“I feel like it immediately puts men on the defensive, so they start talking about their own finances and what they’re able to do,” she said.

Like anyone saving for a house or large expense there is a lot of penny pinching. That tenacity allowed Mariah Berry of Charleston, Tennessee, to buy her own home in 2023.

Berry started the grind when she and her boyfriend were living in temporary arrangements that included couch surfing. She saved up enough money to put down $7,000 on a ranch-style duplex, selling for $218,000. With that down payment, she secured a 30-year mortgage at 6% interest.

“I do think it’s pretty frickin’ awesome that I’m a homeowner and that I became a homeowner at 23,” she told NBC News. “I will say that after I put in the offer, I wanted to puke. I was like, ’Oh my God, did I do the right thing?’”

This sense of newfound confidence has potentially left men feeling less confident in what they bring to the table. Richard Reeves, president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, says that men are emotionally dependent on women.

Psychologists echo that sentiment, adding the discomfort some men feel around homeowners may stem from more than outdated ideas about who should pay the mortgage. Research suggests men’s fewer social relationships also leave them more reliant on romantic partners for company and support.

Throwing shade on female homeowners makes little sense

The trend of female homeowners isn’t a niche phenomenon. The aforementioned gap of 25% to 10% is even more pronounced among younger buyers, with single Gen Z women significantly outpacing their male counterparts. Gen Z women accounted for 35% of all homebuyers in their generation, while single Gen Z men represented 18%, according to survey data from the National Association of Realtors.

Los Angeles real estate agent Angela Johnson explained how enthused single women are at the opportunity to buy their own homes.