My father left everything to my stepmom, and she isn’t sharing a penny with me but plans to keep it all — and leave anything left over to her own kids when she dies. How did this happen?

Identify your primary goals

Maybe you're someone who's passionate about education, and you want to leave money to fund college for a deserving person in your life. You may also want to designate certain assets to certain loved ones for sentimental reasons. For example, if there’s a piece of artwork your niece has always liked, it’s natural to ensure she gets it when you pass.

There may also be causes that are important to you that you'd like to support with a bequest.

Make a list of your assets and figure out how they can best be passed on to reflect your values and legacy. Work with an attorney to come up with the best methods for distributing that wealth.

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Explore different tools for passing on your assets

A will is one of the most best-known ways to distribute assets, but only one in four Americans has a will, according to a survey by Caring.com.

It’s important to know that wills must go through a probate process in county probate court that can last anywhere from nine months to several years before assets can be distributed.

That could leave your beneficiaries in limbo while a court sorts out your estate. What’s more, because wills are a matter of public record in the probate process, your beneficiaries could become targets of questionable characters.

You can avoid this if you establish a living trust to pass on an inheritance. Though it typically costs more to set up, a living trust doesn’t go through probate.

If you want to leave money to charity as well, you can consult with a lawyer to set up a charitable trust. An estate lawyer can walk you through the different types of charitable trust structures so you can choose the best one.

Have open discussions

It's important to have open discussions with your loved ones about your estate plans to prevent tensions and hurt feelings.

Sadly, a 2024 Edward Jones report found that more than one in three Americans do not plan on discussing the transfer of wealth with their families, despite 48% planning to leave an inheritance.

To ensure that the transfer of your wealth goes as smoothly as possible, it’s a good idea to gather your loved ones and share your estate plans clearly with all of them. This could help avoid a situation where your will is later contested.

If you’re hesitant to lead those conversations on your own, have an estate-planning attorney and/or a mediator in the room with you. You may also want to involve a trusted financial adviser, especially if there’s someone you’ve been working with for years, or whom your family uses.

That way, you’ll have an impartial third party to help make those conversations as productive as possible and avoid the kind of tensions you’re experiencing now.