Let's say, for example, that Susanna and Carl have three children: two daughters who are married with good jobs and stable finances, and one divorced son who is struggling. Susanna and Carl want to leave more money to their son Nicholas, but are afraid their daughters, Maria and Jeanette, will be upset.
So, what should the couple do in this difficult situation?
Is it OK to leave more money to a child who is struggling?
First and foremost, Susanna and Carl will have to decide if they truly feel it's fair to provide more for their son than their daughters.
"It's completely normal to want to ensure your son has enough to live comfortably," Evan Farr, a certified elder law attorney, told Moneywise. If Maria and Jeanette already have their needs met, Susanna and Carl may feel their money is better spent giving Nicholas a chance at financial security rather than just giving their daughters extra cash to put in the bank.
Of course, this doesn't mean their choice won't create a problem, especially if Jeanette and Maria worked hard to get wealthy or if the girls believe an inheritance reflects each child's position in the family and isn't meant to ensure all the children end up financially stable.
Some of this could depend on why Nicholas is struggling. If Nicholas has precarious finances because he has serious health issues, for example, that's a very different situation than if he's simply refused to get a job or has spent wastefully.
In the former situation, Farr suggested that perhaps the distribution of wealth could be structured differently, if not necessarily unequally. For example, he suggested that the parents could give Nicholas some cash upfront to invest or buy a house, while also creating trusts that allow all the children to inherit after their parents' deaths.
In the latter situation, if Nicholas is irresponsible, then rewarding him with a larger inheritance may not make sense. And if Susanna and Carl decide to give Nicholas money despite a history of bad choices, it will become especially important to put the money into a trust so the funds aren't wasted.
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A conversation with the daughters can be important
While deciding whether to leave Nicholas more money is a judgment call that Susanna and Carl will ultimately have to make, a conversation with their daughters could help them both decide what to do and avoid hurt feelings if they decide to provide Nicholas with a larger sum.
