This Reddit user was shamed for not helping a friend in need — but should she feel guilty for refusing to lend her a ‘substantial amount’ of money?

For years, the 31 year old seemed to have a lot to say about one of her friend’s finances; questioning her choices to splurge on designer handbags, fine dining and luxury vacations.

But when Sarah was in a financial pinch, those critiques quickly took a backseat to a much larger ask.

“Sarah faced unexpected expenses and asked to borrow a substantial amount to cover her rent. I was surprised, given her past criticisms of my spending,” a Reddit user, and friend of Sarah’s, wrote.

The anonymous Reddit user, who earns a comfortable living, declined the loan request — a decision her friend quickly labeled selfish and unsupportive. Some mutual friends weighed in, suggesting she should have helped Sarah. But is loaning a friend money in a time of need possible without jeopardizing the friendship?

A ride on the guilt trip merry-go-round

Although the Reddit user faced admonishment for refusing to lend the money, commenters quickly supported her decision.

“Loaning money is the best way to lose a friendship,” one user wrote in the thread.

A LendingTree survey revealed that 31% of those asked had a loved one in debt, with 49% of them lending money to a friend and 26% to a sibling. While common, lending money to a loved one can lead to strained relationships, especially when repayment plans are vague or in Sarah’s case, your friend has previously criticized your spending habits.

Not only has Sarah been critical of the Reddit user’s spending habits in the past, but a separate study by Intuit Credit Karma found that despite financial instability, 38% of Gen Z and 35% of millennials are still willing to put their financial goals on pause for immediate gratification.

In this case, the conflicting values of Sarah and her friend made the loan request more awkward. Sarah might have needed the money due to a job loss, an unexpected expense or even because she splurged on a want rather than a need. Regardless of the reason, moments like this can strain a friendship.