Jan 16, 2025
There’s an old proverb from Roman poet Quintus Ennius: a friend in need, is a friend indeed. Then there’s Vince Vaughn’s line from The Wedding Crashers: “A friend in need is a pest.”
The former quote is the vibe that Sarah, 31, quickly sought out after she felt a financial pinch.
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For years, the 31 year old seemed to have a lot to say about one of her friend’s finances; questioning her choices to splurge on designer handbags, fine dining and luxury vacations.
But when Sarah was in a financial pinch, those critiques quickly took a backseat to a much larger ask.
“Sarah faced unexpected expenses and asked to borrow a substantial amount to cover her rent. I was surprised, given her past criticisms of my spending,” a Reddit user, and friend of Sarah’s, wrote.
The anonymous Reddit user, who earns a comfortable living, declined the loan request — a decision her friend quickly labeled selfish and unsupportive. Some mutual friends weighed in, suggesting she should have helped Sarah. But is loaning a friend money in a time of need possible without jeopardizing the friendship?
A ride on the guilt trip merry-go-round
Although the Reddit user faced admonishment for refusing to lend the money, commenters quickly supported her decision.
“Loaning money is the best way to lose a friendship,” one user wrote in the thread.
A LendingTree survey revealed that 31% of those asked had a loved one in debt, with 49% of them lending money to a friend and 26% to a sibling. While common, lending money to a loved one can lead to strained relationships, especially when repayment plans are vague or in Sarah’s case, your friend has previously criticized your spending habits.
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Not only has Sarah been critical of the Reddit user’s spending habits in the past, but a separate study by Intuit Credit Karma found that despite financial instability, 38% of Gen Z and 35% of millennials are still willing to put their financial goals on pause for immediate gratification.
In this case, the conflicting values of Sarah and her friend made the loan request more awkward. Sarah might have needed the money due to a job loss, an unexpected expense or even because she splurged on a want rather than a need. Regardless of the reason, moments like this can strain a friendship.
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Are there other options?
Lending money to a friend can be a sticky wicket, but struggling to make ends meet for many Americans has become commonplace.
Inflation surged to 9.1% in 2022 — the highest level since 1981 — and it was driven by the lingering economic impact of the COVID-19 pandemic. The financial strain was highlighted by a CNN poll, which found that 39% of American adults worried about their family’s finances and making ends meet.
Given these challenges, the Reddit user encouraged Sarah to explore other options, such as budgeting or seeking assistance from other sources. Budgeting, in particular, can be a step toward regaining financial stability. By creating a clear plan of her income and expenses, Sarah can prioritize her essential payments and identify areas where she could cut back.
Consulting a financial adviser can also provide additional support for those feeling overwhelmed. Advisers can help assess your current financial situation, develop a personalized plan and recommend strategies to meet monthly payments without relying on loans from a friend.
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Victoria Vesovski is a Toronto-based Staff Reporter at Moneywise, where she covers the intersection of personal finance, lifestyle and trending news. She holds an Honours Bachelor of Arts from the University of Toronto, a postgraduate certificate in Publishing from Toronto Metropolitan University and a Master’s degree in American Journalism from New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her work has been featured in publications including Apple News, Yahoo Finance, MSN Money, Her Campus Media and The Click.
