Utah mom calls The Ramsey Show for help with her son’s risky financial decisions — but the hosts say (surprisingly) the problem isn’t him

Kay, from Salt Lake City, said that her son, who lives at home, had a car that was paid off and no debt, but he traded it in for a 2018 BMW a few months ago (1). His insurance is now being deducted from her account because she was trying to help him, but he hasn’t paid her back. He also couldn’t afford the registration. When the car broke down, she stepped in again and paid for the part.

“I’m just trying to figure out how to put my foot down? Where do I draw the line?” Kay asked, adding that she had asked him to move out and live with his father.

Warshaw and Coleman both agreed that the problem’s root cause is her.

When helping is actually hurting

“I have heard you say ‘of course’ twice when you describe that you swooped in and tried to help,” Coleman said, interrupting Kay, adding that sending her son to live with his father wouldn’t solve the problem. “I’m on your team, Kay, but the problem is you.”

Parents like Kay can struggle to know what the right decision is when it comes to helping their adult children financially.

Kay said she didn’t want her son to make the same money mistakes she’d made when she was younger, such as getting into debt. However, stepping in each time her son makes a financial misstep might actually be hurting him.

Warshaw and Coleman said Kay was robbing her son of the opportunity to learn from his mistakes. By stepping in and cleaning up every financial mess he makes, he is learning that no matter what he does, his mother will fix it.

Teaching your children financial responsibility includes setting boundaries around the help that you offer. Financial help with no guidelines can turn into enabling.

In Kay’s case, her son’s decision to buy a car that he cannot afford was an obvious mistake.

Continuing to pay for expenses related to the car, even when he is not paying her back as they had agreed, reinforces that she will clean up his messes and teaches him that buying things you cannot afford isn’t a problem.

If you decide to loan an adult child money, you can set boundaries by outlining what exactly the money is meant for, how long the support will last and repayment terms (2). If your expectations around financial help are not clear, it can lead to conflict.

Tough conversations

Kay is not alone. Many parents help their adult children financially, sometimes to their own detriment.

A 2025 Savings.com survey of 1,000 parents of adult children found that the average monthly amount given by those who provide financial assistance is $1,474 (3).

A majority of the respondents who gave financial help said they were paying for regular expenses like groceries and rent. Of those offering help, 47% said that they had sacrificed their own financial security to help their grown kids (3).

If financial literacy, such as teaching your children how to build a budget, pay bills on time and save for the future, doesn’t help, and you find that your adult children continually come to you for money, you may need to have a tough conversation or even cut them off.