Jan 31, 2025
In marriage, the idea of sharing everything — what’s mine is yours — feels like a given. But when it comes to money, especially an inheritance, things usually get more complicated.
One Reddit user shared her frustration with her husband, who seems to be counting on her inheritance to fund his extravagant wants — like a new car, tech, and gaming system.
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Instead of saving up to cover these expenses himself, he repeatedly asks for updates on the legal process, even pressing her for details on how much money she'll receive and when.
Her reluctance to merge the inheritance into their shared finances stems from concerns about his lack of financial responsibility. He drained their accounts and led them to homelessness three separate times because he "kept giving money to his side of the family to help them with bills, groceries, legal troubles, etc."
“Letting your three children and wife become homeless because an adult family member couldn't be responsible enough to pay their own bills or got into legal trouble is a hard thing for me to fully understand,” user Throw30Away2022 wrote. "I really don't want to wake up one day and find out that every cent has been spent behind my back ... When I talk about investing or saving, he says that life is too short for that. I told him that it wasn't about us. It was about our children. And his response was that when our children become adults, they should work for what they want."
Rather than pooling the inheritance into their joint account, she’s considering opening one in her name to maintain control over how the money is managed. However, she remains torn, unsure if keeping the funds separate is the right decision.
Putting the inheritance to use
The Reddit user's concerns about her inheritance seem well-founded, and rather than keeping the money solely for herself, she intends to use it to support her family's financial future.
“My intention is to use half of my inheritance to move our family into a house,” she explained. “Then save 40% to help my children in the future. Like graduations, college, trips, their first cars, etc. And have a small emergency fund.”
Her approach is practical, but it’s important she prioritizes the emergency fund, which shouldn’t exactly be “small.” Financial experts say it should be big enough to cover three to six months' worth of household expenses.
Unfortunately, 42% of Americans lack an emergency fund, and 40% wouldn’t be able to cover an unexpected $1,000 expense with cash or savings, according to a U.S. News survey.
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By prioritizing an emergency fund, the family can create a financial safety net, ensuring they can manage unforeseen costs without falling into debt or jeopardizing their long-term goals.
With the average federal student loan balance sitting at $38,375, helping her children avoid such a substantial financial burden early on can set them up for a more secure educational journey and future. But she should first make sure she’s saving enough for her retirement.
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Is she making the right decision?
A strong “we” perspective is essential for a thriving partnership, and this mindset often extends to finances, including joint bank accounts.A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that couples who pooled their money into a joint account sustained stronger relationships across the first two years of marriage than those assigned to keep their money in separate accounts or to a no-intervention condition.
Personal finance expert Ramit Sethi, author of "Money for Couples" suggests a compromise. He told Moneywise, “Every couple should have joint accounts, joint priorities, joint rich life vision, and also you have your own money set aside for safety, security, for spending on the things you but only you love.”
This expert guidance sounds reasonable, but for the Reddit user seeking advice, trust is the real sticking point. “He used to manage our finances," they shared. “But he has a history of sabotaging our financial goals and blowing our budgets.”
Now that she's taken control of managing her own finances, safeguarding her inheritance should be a priority. Consulting a financial adviser could help her make informed decisions about investing her inheritance and opening accounts solely in her name to protect her assets and financial future.
However, the heart of the issue lies in the lack of trust within her marriage. Before addressing financial concerns, the user might benefit from confronting these deeper relationship challenges.
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Victoria Vesovski is a Toronto-based Staff Reporter at Moneywise, where she covers the intersection of personal finance, lifestyle and trending news. She holds an Honours Bachelor of Arts from the University of Toronto, a postgraduate certificate in Publishing from Toronto Metropolitan University and a Master’s degree in American Journalism from New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her work has been featured in publications including Apple News, Yahoo Finance, MSN Money, Her Campus Media and The Click.
