Dec 29, 2024
The holidays are a time for family gatherings, but what happens when hosting turns into an all-expenses-paid vacation for your guests?
That’s the dilemma that Greg from Houston shared on a recent call to The Ramsey Show.
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His family won’t visit unless they can use the family car to visit other family members across the state. Torn over the situation, Greg asked, “We wanted to know if we are wrong or selfish for not allowing our family members to come and use our vehicle for two weeks in conjunction with their holiday visit plans.”
Here’s why requests for financial favors and setting boundaries often spark tension in family relationships.
Unreasonable expectations
About 30% of Americans report that their family members owe them some money, according to a 2021 survey by LendingTree. Nearly half of these lenders regretted their decision to offer financial assistance, while one in six said the arrangement had negatively impacted their relationship with the borrower.
Despite these pitfalls, many people continue to have unreasonable expectations and rely on loved ones to support them financially.
Greg said his family’s request couldn’t have come at a worse time. His wife was pregnant and just a week away from going into labor, while the couple had made tremendous efforts to pay off their car loans and accumulate some savings. He said he’s worried he may have to tap into these savings to deal with further wear and tear on the vehicles.
“If they didn't have the funds to get a rental themselves they're not going to be paying us,” he said.
Co-host John Delony described the situation as “silly.”
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“I want you guys to internalize they aren't not coming because they can't afford a rental car,” he said. “They're not coming because you would not let them use your house as a landing pad for a big two-week vacation and that's something to grieve.”
Nonetheless, co-host Rachel Cruze suggested that the only solution is to draw a line in the sand and turn the request down.
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Set boundaries
“Family is a gift, it really is, and in order to have that gift be a gift that keeps on giving we want to make sure that things are in line and boundaries possibly have to be set,” Cruze said on her own YouTube channel.
She sets out three boundaries she personally sets with family: never borrow money, lend only if you can afford to lose the money, and never cosign a loan. Similarly, Delony says his family writes down details about financial arrangements and agreements and emails it so everyone is on the same page.
Credit firm Experian offers a handy guide on making the decision to lend money to friends and family. If the amount of money requested is relatively small, fits with your personal values, and won’t jeopardize your financial situation, it’s worth considering.
However, if there’s a chance the arrangement could negatively impact your personal finances, diminish the relationship or enable bad behavior, it’s probably best to turn down the request.
There’s no standard solution for setting financial boundaries, but it’s helpful to recognize your own limitations and values and communicate these as clearly as possible to your loved ones.
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Vishesh Raisinghani is a financial journalist covering personal finance, investing and the global economy. He's also the founder of Sharpe Ascension Inc., a content marketing agency focused on investment firms. His work has appeared in Moneywise, Yahoo Finance!, Motley Fool, Seeking Alpha, Mergers & Acquisitions Magazine and Piggybank.
