Mar 19, 2025
Losing a parent-in-law naturally brings some emotional distress and grief. But for Janie from Dallas, Texas, it also brought an unexpected $3,000 bill.
Shortly after the news broke, Janie was informed that all her husband’s siblings had decided to split the $24,000 bill for the funeral eight-ways. However, given the size of the estate she isn’t keen on this plan. “They did leave property behind, and vehicles — several properties as a matter of fact,” she explained on a recent episode of The Ramsey Show. “So, is it okay that I feel like this is not my obligation? Is there something wrong with feeling that way?”
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To complicate things further, Janie says her husband has been making her “feel like a bad person” for her reluctance to share the costs of the funeral. Her situation highlights how difficult it can be to discuss death and money with your loved ones.
Difficult conversations
Finances and death are both taboo subjects for many, but Americans seem even more reluctant to discuss money than their mortality. An Empower survey found that 63% of Americans do not talk about finances with their family while 32% would rather discuss death than raise a money-related issue.
Planning for the costs of a funeral, unfortunately, combines these two taboo topics. Add to this the heightened emotional state following the loss of a loved one, and you’ve got ample potential for conflict. Yet, half of all Americans haven’t discussed funeral plans with either their parents or their spouses, according to a recent survey by Foundation Partners.
This is a significant omission, given that the median funeral costs $7,848, according to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA). Janie’s family is spending significantly more than this for their parent’s funeral, but without clear communication and advanced planning, she seems to have been caught off-guard.
Nevertheless, co-hosts John Delony and Jade Warshaw encourage her to pay the bill to avoid confrontation for now and raise the subject of setting financial boundaries with her husband after the family is done mourning.
“Don't die on a hill while you're still climbing up it. Wait til you get to the top and then say, ‘let's have the talk,’" says Warshaw.
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It takes courage to talk about something as difficult as a funeral, but making a plan for the costs now can spare your loved ones unnecessary stress later.
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Planning for funeral costs
To avoid placing your loved ones in a similar predicament the caller describes, there are several ways to plan for your funeral costs ahead of time. Many traditional life insurance policies include coverage for burial and funeral costs, according to New York Life Insurance, but you could also consider a special burial insurance policy to cover the costs.
You could also speak to a legal professional to include funeral funding in your estate plan or will. This lays the groundwork for your family to execute your wishes without the emotional turmoil or risk of confrontations.
If your parents or loved one passed away without a plan, you could get a reimbursement from their estate later, according to Trust & Will. Out-of-pocket expenses related to burial and funeral expenses often supersede any other liabilities the estate may have.
You could also consider pre-paying for these costs with a local service provider or funeral home.
Regardless of your plans, taking the time to speak with your loved ones and managing their expectations could help mitigate any misunderstandings or conflicts later.
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Vishesh Raisinghani is a financial journalist covering personal finance, investing and the global economy. He's also the founder of Sharpe Ascension Inc., a content marketing agency focused on investment firms. His work has appeared in Moneywise, Yahoo Finance!, Motley Fool, Seeking Alpha, Mergers & Acquisitions Magazine and Piggybank.
