This Texas woman's boyfriend of 1 year out-earns her — and wants to keep separate finances if they marry. The Ramsey Show hosts peer into their future

Shelby from Dallas, Texas, has been dating her boyfriend for about a year. However, as they began talking about their future, including marriage and children, a major issue came up: he wants to maintain fully separate finances. He currently earns twice her income and recently purchased a home on his own.

“So it would be his money, his house, and you just get the privilege of living there, at a discounted rate — is that what this future looks like?” asked co-host George Kamel.

“It sounds like he wants to be single,” Kamel added. “He wants the benefits of the relationship, but he doesn’t want the commitment.”

Fellow co-host Rachel Cruze pushed back slightly. “No, he loves her!” she said. But she agreed that keeping finances entirely separate isn’t realistic. She pointed out how their lives would inevitably become financially intertwined if they got married and had kids.

How do most American couples manage their money?

How common is it for couples to keep their finances separate? A recent survey of more than 2,000 Americans found that most people in committed relationships — 62% — keep at least some of their money separate.

While 34% said they had a combination of joint and separate accounts, 27% revealed they keep their money completely separate. Those who only have joint accounts made up 38% of respondents.

Kamel and Cruze argued that fully separate finances may signal deeper issues in a relationship. Cruze says the red flag she sees is that, if Shelby’s boyfriend insists on this separate dynamic, it could mean that other parts of their relationship will have a level of separation not conducive to a strong partnership.

“I’ve rarely seen a thriving marriage with total unity and love, long-term, that lives this way,” Kamel said. “It’s just too hard. It turns into resentment and scorekeeping of, ‘Well I covered this the last time,’ and ‘Well I make half as much, so I should only cover half as much of the bills.’”

Cruze agreed: “Yeah, it’s a business relationship — not a romantic partnership.”

What are the risks and benefits of keeping money separate?

Kamel warned that fully separate finances can lead to “financial infidelity down the line” due to lack of transparency. “He could have a spending addiction that you’re totally unaware of because you don’t see the account, you don’t have access to the account.”

According to the aforementioned survey, 40% of people living with a partner have committed financial infidelity — whether by hiding debt, undisclosed accounts or credit cards, or, most commonly, overspending.

However, there can be valid reasons for keeping finances separate. Managing shared expenses can become complex, and some financial planners recommend the “yours, mine, ours” approach. This could involve each partner maintaining individual accounts, along with a shared one — such as a joint credit card — for household expenses.

Pooling finances can help build trust and long-term unity. However, keeping finances separate can offer some protection — particularly for women — if a relationship ends. One U.S. study found women’s median income dropped by about 30% in the year of their divorce, but men’s median income fell by only 6%.

Some experts also advise keeping inheritances separate. In most states, inheritances are considered separate from the marital property; but if they’re combined with joint marital assets, they could be subject to division in a divorce.

Don’t put off talking about money

The main thing experts agree on is the importance of being open and honest about your views on money — and not waiting to have the conversation until it’s too late.

According to research by Ramsey Solutions, money is the No. 1 issue couples fight about, and the No. 2 cause of divorce.