Michigan woman lost $20K to a romance scammer who spun a sob story on Tinder. Here’s how to spot swindlers who play with your emotions

People aged 60 and over lost the most, with $389 million in reported losses; people aged 50-59 reported $82 million in losses; while those 40-49 lost $46 million collectively (1).

One woman from Michigan shared her story of being duped by a romance scammer, in the hopes that going public would help others avoid the same fate.

“I remember thinking, ‘Am I falling for this guy already?’”

Beth Hyland, from Portage, Mich., told WWMT-TV how she lost more than $20,000 to a scammer. After getting divorced in 2019, Hyland decided in October 2023 to download the dating app Tinder.

She matched with a man named Richard, whose profile said he was from France, and Hyland said that soon they were texting and talking on the phone daily.

Hyland told WWMT-TV that things moved fast.

“Within a week I felt like, ‘Wow,’” she said. “I remember thinking, ‘Am I falling for this guy already?’” After only a few weeks, she told him she had fallen in love with him, and he told her he loved her, too.

Hyland said that she and Richard were soon sending photos of engagement rings and links to houses they could buy together in West Michigan. Hyland said that they made plans to meet face-to-face, but then Richard told her he had to travel to Qatar for work.

Richard told her he couldn’t access his bank accounts when he was supposedly in the Middle East. He sent her photos showing bank accounts with millions of dollars. First, he asked her to log into one of his accounts and transfer money. After this initial “success,” he said he was locked out of his accounts again.

That’s when Hyland started taking out money to send him. She took out a loan and a cash advance, plus paid transfer fees that amounted to a total of $26,000. He told her to send the money through a Bitcoin ATM and gave her a QR code.

Then, he put Hyland in touch with his “financial advisor,” who told Hyland she needed to send another $50,000. It wasn’t until Hyland sat down with her own financial advisor — to get the money to send to Richard — and started telling him the story that she came to terms with what was happening to her.

“I just felt so alone at this point, and isolated, and frustrated,” Hyland told WWMT-TV.

She told her financial advisor the whole story.

“I remember thinking, ‘This sounds really bad,’ as it was coming out of my mouth,” she said (2).

The reddest red flag: Emotional manipulation

Romance scams don’t only bring financial devastation: It’s emotional as well. They can happen online or in person. An online romance scam, like the one that targeted Beth Hyland, can begin on social media, a dating app, websites, or by text or email.

According to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB), romance scammers may build a persona that seems very real, using either real photos or those found online. They may scour your own social media for information and then pretend to have the same hobbies and interests as you (3). Some online romance scammers may even pretend to be celebrities.

Romance scammers often draw out their grift over a long period of time. In Hyland’s case, it was four months. These crooks take time to gain your trust and make you believe that they care for you — so when they eventually ask you for money or gifts, you’ll be much more likely to agree.

Ally Armeson, executive director of programs at the non-profit FightCyberCrime.org, told WWMT-TV that emotional manipulation makes it a lot harder to see red flags that might be obvious to someone outside the situation.

According to the non-profit, red flags from potential romantic partners you meet online include:

• Moving unusually quickly to advance the relationship
• Refusing to meet in person (remember video chats can be manipulated by AI)
• Using isolation tactics such as telling you to keep the relationship a secret or getting upset if you tell friends or family
• Expressing excessive flattery or sympathy, which creates emotional dependence (4)

Romance scammers may use a variety of tactics to manipulate you into giving them money. FightCyberCrime.org says that they may even build a persona that not only allows them to avoid in-person meetings, but also justifies the scenarios they create to ask for money (5). These scenarios will often create a sense of urgency and heightened emotion, which encourages the victim to act quickly, not pausing to question what is happening (4).