I’m 35, working 60-hr weeks and my wife just snuck $15K to her parents for a reno. Should I close our joint account?

Imagine 35-year-old David, who’s been working tirelessly through 60-hour weeks to keep his family financially afloat, only to discover that his wife, Mary, who doesn’t work, loaned $15,000 to her parents to fund their kitchen renovation project without so much as a conversation.

This isn’t just a minor disagreement over spending habits — David feels Mary has financially jeopardized their family. So, to make sure it doesn’t happen again, he is now considering closing their joint account. But he doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do.

Is it really an overreaction to close your joint bank account in this scenario? And if you do, how do you ensure it’s the right move, legally and emotionally?

Here are a few things to consider if you find yourself feeling like David.

What is ‘financial infidelity’?

Financial infidelity happens when one partner hides or mismanages money in ways that jeopardize the couple’s shared finances. It’s not just about large sums — it’s about the secrecy and disregard for the other partner’s consent.

Mary’s actions in this scenario likely qualify as financial infidelity. She bypassed a shared understanding of their finances to make a major financial decision on her own, ignoring the impact on her partner. She was not transparent.

Research underscores the importance of transparency in managing joint finances. For example, a 2023 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that couples with merged accounts generally experience stronger relationship quality (1).

But if one side begins making unilateral decisions, fissures can develop that leave the wronged partner feeling vulnerable.

And it happens more often than you might think. A survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education found that about two in five Americans who have ever shared finances admit to some form of financial deception. And 85% of those respondents said it affected their relationship (2).

With statistics like these, it is no wonder that David is considering closing his joint account with Mary, but he still isn’t sure if he can.

Closing a joint account: Can you, should you?

The idea of closing the joint bank account might feel like reclaiming control, but is it legally possible do so without the consent of the other account holder?

The short answer is yes, though the details depend on the account terms.

Most joint accounts allow either party to make transactions independently, including withdrawing funds or even closing the account. However, some banks require both parties to consent before an account can be closed, particularly if the account is in good standing and has a significant balance.

If your partner disagrees with the closure, the process gets more complicated. The first step is to review the account agreement to determine whether both signatures are required. If the bank permits one-party closures, one partner could withdraw their share of the balance and request the account’s closure without the other partner’s approval.

But doing so could escalate tension without addressing the underlying issues.

A direct conversation — or mediation — might be necessary for accounts where mutual consent is required. Shutting down shared finances isn’t a decision to be made lightly, though, and it should come with clear plans for how both partners will manage their money moving forward.

Is separating finances the right move?

While David could legally close their joint account, it would still be a bit of a double-edged sword, emotionally.

In the short term, closing the account could provide David with a sense of security and control over his earnings. But in the long term, it could further divide the partnership and make shared expenses harder to manage.

That’s why he might want to consider other options, like establishing clear boundaries around discretionary spending, setting up a household budget or opening separate personal accounts while maintaining one for shared expenses.

The pair might also want to consider seeking out a couples therapist or marriage counseling to improve their communication.

When it comes to managing the money itself, a financial advisor could further help mediate communication about the couple’s finances.

The perks of a financial advisor

That’s where online platforms like Advisor.com can help. With the aid of one of their financial experts, the couple could establish a plan for their money going forward, including setting boundaries around their shared resources.

If that idea seems appealing to you, Advisor.com can connect you with vetted financial advisors in minutes. Just answer a few quick questions about yourself and your finances, then the platform will match you with an experienced financial professional who can help you develop a plan for your financial future, whether on your own or with a partner.

You can also view the advisor’s profile, read past client reviews and schedule an initial consultation for free with no obligation to hire.

Looking at the bigger picture

Even after the couple seeks out help, if Mary’s actions still represent a deeper pattern of behavior, separating finances might really be necessary for David’s financial and emotional wellbeing.

But he should also consider the bigger picture.

If divorce looks like a real concern, seeking legal advice might be on the table, especially if significant debt or other liabilities are involved. And he should probably make sure to find out whether his state is covered by “equitable division” or “community property” laws.

All told, 41 states use equitable division rules in divorce proceedings, meaning that all assets, earnings, personal property and debts are split fairly based on a judge’s discretion — although not always evenly, according to Justia.com (3).

In the remaining nine states, community property rules apply instead. Typically, this means that the presiding judge will determine whether assets, personal property or debts are classified as shared or personal property. From here, shared assets and debt are split, while anything identified as personal will only apply to that partner.

In general, this means it’s harder to separate assets in community property states compared to equitable division states.

How to build your savings

In the meantime, David should consider where to park the couple’s savings while they sort out the details. One option would be to put them in a high-yield savings account.

A high-yield account like a Wealthfront Cash Account can be a great place to keep your money working for you, offering both competitive interest rates and easy access to your cash when you need it.

Plus, when you open a Wealthfront Cash Account, you can earn up to 3.95% APY on savings balances (base rate of 3.30% APY plus a 0.65% APY boost for the first three months). That’s just about ten times higher than the national average offered by traditional accounts, according to the FDIC’s January report.

The account also has no annual or maintenance fees and is insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation for balances up to $8 million.