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“I'm 54 years old and married with a child. And I just found out that my husband no longer has savings, no longer has the college account for our child, because he's gambling. And there’s more infidelity I just found out about.”
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Financial infidelity in a marriage can be just as damaging and hurtful as sexual infidelity. A person commits financial infidelity when they hide, lie about or misuse money in ways that break mutual trust and shared goals. Trust is the foundation of marriage, and when one partner breaks that trust, Ramsey Show cohosts say it’s time to reevaluate from square one.
Time to stop and take a breath
Cohost John Delony’s first question addressed the foundation of Sue’s marriage. Is it too broken to fix?
“The big question here,” he said, “is do you want to stay in this marriage?”
Sue admitted things were too far gone.
“I don't feel for my peace and for my daughter's peace, moving on in her life, that it's safe to stay in this marriage,” she said.
She explained that they’d had issues in the past, but her husband wanted to reconcile. But after she overcame a cancer scare, she says he was hiding things from her. When she started the Ramsey ‘How to Become a Millionaire’ program, it became clear that they didn’t have open, honest communication, and Sue had zero insight into their shared finances.
“I just started going, ‘Hey, can we go over the bills because I want to get all this together and make a budget,’” she said.
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“I'm like, ‘What bill is this? What bill?’ He goes, ‘Oh, it's a loan. It's a loan.’ I go, ‘It's a loan for what?’ And he goes, ‘Well, I have a lifestyle to keep up with.’”
Even though she felt resolved over getting out of the marriage, Sue admitted to feeling overwhelmed. Delony offered her some bedrock advice: take it one step at a time.
“You're solving for seven steps down the road. I need you to solve for step one,” he said, “which is, ‘I need to get me and my daughter into a safe place.’ Exhale. Next step.”
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The next steps after discovering financial infidelity
For Sue, Delony says it’s time to focus on the ground beneath her and her daughter’s feet.
“It’s getting those very basic things. Four walls,” he said. “Do I have a place to live? Do I have food? Do I have utilities? Do I have water and heat? And do I have transportation to get to and from my job? Okay, that's what we're solving for right now.”
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He gave her these immediate actions to take:
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Sort out your immediate finances. Where can I afford to live if we separate residences? Do I have money for attorney’s fees? If you have a house, how can that asset be liquidated and split up if necessary? Open your own account to keep the funds you need secure.
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Freeze your credit. Get your credit score with the three major bureaus (Equifax, Experian and TransUnion) and then freeze your credit to make sure you aren’t exposed to further acts of infidelity, like taking out loans or credit cards in your name.
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Talk to a lawyer. A family law attorney can help walk you through next steps, and clarify your rights and responsibilities during separation and divorce. As Delony noted, they can help you not “feel so alone."
Money disagreements are among the strongest predictors of marital breakdown, and hidden spending or gambling can make matters worse.
A 2013 Kansas State University study found that couples who reported arguing about finances once a week were 30% more likely to divorce as compared to those who argued a few times a month (2).
As is evident from Sue’s case, disputes about spending or debt can reflect deeper issues of trust and control, and they can erode emotional connection over time. Whether Sue leaves her husband or not, financial betrayal can also mark a turning point toward healthier habits and stronger boundaries.
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show (1); ScienceDaily (2)
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Will Kenton is a personal finance writer with a Master's degree in Economics who has been published in Investopedia, AP News, TIME Stamped and Business Insider among other publications.
