Mar 19, 2025
In 1996, NBA legend Charles Barkley was at the top of his game. He was one of the most recognizable athletes in the world, surrounded by fame, fortune and plenty of people with their hands out. That’s when fellow Hall of Famer Grant Hill’s mom gave him “the best advice ever,” he revealed on a 2024 episode of the Club Shay Shay podcast.
When Barkley expressed surprise that Hill's family was still working regular jobs after he had signed a $100-million contract with the NBA, he says Hill's mom pulled him aside and gave him a reality check.
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"Do not start taking care of your family and friends," Janet Hill told him.
“Because, No. 1, they’re never going to stop and it’s going to ruin all your relationships … The second thing is, no matter what you do for them, the first time you tell them ‘no,’ they hate you.”
Despite her warning, Barkley says he had to live through the “tough and painful” experience of losing friends, after he cut them off financially, to see she was right.
You don’t have to be a multimillionaire athlete to experience similar strain on your relationships because of financial arrangements. Here’s how you can set clear boundaries with friends and family.
Money can complicate relationships
Leaning on friends and family for financial security is remarkably common. More than half (57%) of Americans said they borrowed money from friends, according to a 2024 survey by Bread Financial. And, 30% of these borrowers said they never repaid the loan.
Meanwhile, 37% of American homebuyers had relied on the bank of mom and dad (and grandma and grandad) to finance their purchase, according to a recent survey by Compare the Market.
The trouble with these financial arrangements is that they can blur the lines between business and personal. Friendships and family ties are not built on strict scorekeeping, but borrowing or lending certainly is, which is why money can complicate these connections, according to the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.
These complications and gaps in expectations can ultimately break the connection altogether.
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One in five respondents to Bread Financial’s survey admitted that they were no longer friends with someone because of money issues.
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Setting clear boundaries
Putting guardrails on your finances can help you maintain healthy relationships.
Practice saying “no” to requests for money in a firm but polite way. Also, consider offering alternative solutions to others’ financial problems before you consider offering your own money.
For instance, a friend struggling with debt or an adult child struggling to buy their dream home might be better served by a professional financial planner helping them to solve their issue, independently.
If a loved one is in financial distress, you could consider a one-time gift or limited monetary support. The key is to have an open and honest conversation about your limitations and expectations.
For instance, if you expect to be repaid, set out a schedule for payments. And, only offer money you can afford to lose and never see again.
Clear, respectful dialogue can help prevent misunderstandings — and preserve your relationships while protecting your financial well-being.
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Vishesh Raisinghani is a financial journalist covering personal finance, investing and the global economy. He's also the founder of Sharpe Ascension Inc., a content marketing agency focused on investment firms. His work has appeared in Moneywise, Yahoo Finance!, Motley Fool, Seeking Alpha, Mergers & Acquisitions Magazine and Piggybank.
