Jan 21, 2026
An Indiana woman called in to The Ramsey Show saying she said she was fed up with her husband’s inability to manage their finances. But host Dave Ramsey turned the tables, saying it wasn’t just her husband’s fault — they were both to blame.
Alyssa from Indianapolis told Ramsey and co-host Rachel Cruze that her husband had “basically ruined us financially,” and that she was at her wits’ end (1).
Advertisement
“I’m to the point where either I’m going to leave him or file bankruptcy,” she said in a clip posted Jan. 5. “I need help.”
Ramsey asked Alyssa how much debt the couple had, but she wasn’t even sure. She guessed it was somewhere between $30,000 and $50,000. Further questioning revealed that she herself had a poor grasp of their financial situation.
The blame game
Alyssa said her breaking point came a year ago when her car was repossessed. She didn’t understand how they could have fallen behind on car payments. The couple’s income, she estimated, was over $150,000 a year combined.
Ramsey asked why she didn’t step in at that point and get involved with the finances. Alyssa said that she did try to get involved “for a little while,” and that she was aware of what money was coming in and what bills needed to be paid, but then she lost track of it when her kids’ sports commitments took over her time.
“I just assumed he was doing what we planned, and I let go again,” Alyssa said.
Cruze asked whether Alyssa had checked their credit reports to see if her husband was lying about their debt, but Alyssa said that she didn’t think that was the case, just that all their payments were behind and had late fees.
Ramsey turned the attention back to Alyssa’s actions.
Advertisement
“What I don’t understand is why you’re still sitting on the sidelines and haven’t gotten involved,” he said. “You’re really good at standing back and throwing rocks at him and you have no idea, when all you’ve got to do is walk in there and sit down with him and the two of you get out a yellow pad and figure this out.”
Alyssa became emotional, saying that she didn’t know what to do, as she had never handled the bills before.
Ramsey said that he wasn’t telling her to take everything over, but saying that she and her husband needed to figure it out together.
“I don't know that your husband has ruined your finances. I think the two of you have ruined your finances,” he said.
Cruze interjected, saying that there was a level of broken trust if Alyssa’s husband had said that he would do certain things and then didn’t do them, or neglected to tell her if there wasn’t enough money to pay a bill. But Cruze also reiterated that Alyssa needed to get involved.
Must Read
- Dave Ramsey warns nearly 50% of Americans are making 1 big Social Security mistake — here’s what it is and the simple steps to fix it ASAP
- Robert Kiyosaki begs investors not to miss this ‘explosion’ — says this 1 asset will surge 400% in a year
- Vanguard reveals what could be coming for U.S. stocks, and it’s raising alarm bells for retirees. Here’s why and how to protect yourself
Join 250,000+ readers and get Moneywise’s best stories and exclusive interviews first — clear insights curated and delivered weekly. Subscribe now.
Shared accountability
A situation like Alyssa and her husband’s can initially seem like it’s caused by one partner who is mismanaging money, or worse, committing financial infidelity. But once the layers are pulled back, it becomes clear that it’s not one person doing all the damage.
By keeping her head in the sand, even when she knew that there were financial problems, Alyssa’s avoidance contributed to the pattern that led to a messy financial situation. Her husband was shouldered with all the financial responsibility, and she admitted to Ramsey that he was not detail-oriented. He simply may not have the skills necessary to manage a household’s finances on his own.
Advertisement
Financial compatibility can mean being on the same page about saving, spending habits and future goals, but it can also mean complementing your partner. This can mean a “saver” showing a “spender” the benefits of budgeting, or a detail-oriented partner making a schedule so that bill payments aren’t missed by their less-organized counterpart.
Communication also plays a big role in a situation like Alyssa’s. While Alyssa may have kept her head in the sand, her husband also did not speak up about their overdue bills or his trouble keeping their finances afloat. When it comes to money, people will often avoid conversations they worry will be difficult or lead to a conflict. But building strong communication is a skill, and the more you talk about money, the more experience you will have at finding compromise on your finances.
Leaving all the money management responsibilities to one person in a partnership can be risky for many reasons. Managing finances as partners can avoid a situation where one person is saddled with all the responsibility and stress, and the other is living like an ostrich. Resentment can build both ways, when in reality both partners are responsible for their situation.
Taking ownership of your half of the situation can be the first step to moving forward and fixing your finances as a team.
Of course, if Alyssa’s husband was intentionally misleading her about their finances, that would constitute financial infidelity. In an article for Ramsey Solutions, Cruze is clear in distinguishing that financial infidelity is different from financial irresponsibility (2). Financial infidelity can have a major impact on a relationship, depending on its scale, and recovering from it requires learning communication, rebuilding trust and possibly the help of a counselor.
Article sources
We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.
The Ramsey Show Highlights (1); Ramsey Solutions (2)
You May Also Like
- Turning 50 with $0 saved for retirement? Most people don’t realize they’re actually just entering their prime earning decade. Here are 6 ways to catch up fast
- This 20-year-old lotto winner refused $1M in cash and chose $1,000/week for life. Now she’s getting slammed for it. Which option would you pick?
- Warren Buffett used these 8 repeatable money rules to turn $9,800 into a $150B fortune. Start using them today to get rich (and stay rich)
- Here are 5 easy ways to own multiple properties like Bezos and Beyoncé. You can start with $10 (and no, you don’t have to manage a single thing)
Rebecca Payne has more than a decade of experience editing and producing both local and national daily newspapers. She's worked on the Toronto Star, the Globe and Mail, Metro, Canada's National Observer, the Virginian-Pilot and Daily Press.
